I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I really like the "two is better than three" line. People ask me is this drama or comedy? I just think the… — Tommy Wiseau Copy Share Image
“Naomi looked around the room, then down at the cup. Then back around the room. Then again at the cup. No. Way.… — S.A. Hunter Copy Share Image
“Alp Arslan: "What would you do if I was brought before you as a prisoner?" Romanos: "Perhaps I'd kill you, or exhibit… — after battle of Manzikert Alp Arslan Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I like to compare people who don't like women to vegetarians." "Interesting analogy, and I do like the way your mind… — Ali Vali Copy Share Image
All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
My real name is Madeleine Wickham, under which I write dramas with an edge of humour. As Sophie Kinsella it's fast, all-out… — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
“The butterflies were performing circus tricks now, flying through hoops of fire. Lexi had read about infatuation once. Some writer had doused… — Angela Panayotopulos Copy Share Image
“Say, darling, I'm giving you this wonderful present, it's a machine that eats at one end and shits out the other, it's… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
“A title from the1966 movie "The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming," gives a new meaning to a phrase: "wait a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wrote a show - just as a joke, actually - and called it 'Bipolar, Bath, & Beyond,' just to bring some… — Jenifer Lewis Copy Share Image
“Ankh-Morpork is a godless city--' 'I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?' said Maladict. Strappi stared at him… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
'Writing' always means 'not writing' to me because I will do anything to put it off. I think this is mainly because… — Catherine Tate Copy Share Image
The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
“Do you really think Card's tell us future?? If they do,i raised my hand to the love of god and got you..!!!… — Nikhil Copy Share Image
“Some young man has wronged you, hasn't he?' From a person who renounced on principle the possibility of transcendental morality, she thought,… — Garth Risk Hallberg Copy Share Image
“How she looks is watered-down. How she looks is disappearing. How she looks is erased. "Don't stress", she says. "This is just… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
“Experimenting with touch, he found he barely had to ripple a light fingertip over his sleeping lover, and Tristan would move, twisting… — Z.A. Maxfield Copy Share Image
I feel connected with people because of their sense of humor, worldview, and what they think and feel about certain existential issues… — Tao Lin Copy Share Image
“In lieu of Tasers, you'll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick… — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
“What are you about?" said the vehicle as a panel popped open to reveal delicate components. "I am not accustomed to such… — Matthew Hughes Copy Share Image
I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Even today, people tell me that the slapstick humour in 'Friends' is the most viewed comedy track on television. Siddique knows the… — Vijay Copy Share Image
“I tried to find a word for it in my thesaurus, but there isn't one. At least, not one that doesn't belittle… — Bennett Madison Copy Share Image
“...The bottom of his garden joins the bottom of ours, and of course I had several times seen him, sitting among the… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“As Hazel marched down the hill, she cursed in Latin. Percy didn’t understand all of it, but he got son of a… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“Your tits are bigger," Shiva said. "SHIVA!" Hema and Ghosh said at the same time. "Sorry," he said, surprised by their reaction.… — Abraham Verghese Copy Share Image
I'm strongly attracted to classy, educated women who have a sense of humor and who loves to have a good time without… — Ronald Oliver Copy Share Image
SADNESSES OF THE INTELLECT: Sadness of being misunderstood [sic]; Humor sadness; Sadness of love wit[hou]t release; Sadne[ss of be]ing smart; Sadness of… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
“When I received the Culver Creek Handbook over the summer and noticed happily that the “Dress Code” section contained only two words,… — John Green Copy Share Image
“When you are standing in the middle of a storm you have two choices: Pray to God that it goes away. Or,… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“In Japan, people have something called their charm point. A coy smile, a twinkle in the eye, a faultless sense of humour,… — Christopher Barzak Copy Share Image
“Without thinking about it at all, Harry stepped in front of Hermione. There was an intake of breath from behind him, and… — Eliezer Yudkowsky Copy Share Image
I loved traditional musical comedy. That was my passion. Then 'Spring Awakening' happened, and it took that rock n' roll and pop… — Jonathan Groff Copy Share Image
“There comes a point when careful argumentation fails, a time when we are "casting pearls before swine." As Proverbs tells us: "Don't… — Douglas M. Jones III Copy Share Image
I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And… — John Oliver Copy Share Image
“To save our friends’ nerves, I suggest we meet on a plane of brutal courtesy. It need not interfere with our mutual… — Dorothy Dunnett Copy Share Image
“Oh my God, not only is he older than the Grand Canyon, but he’s like the pope and the Fae King and… — Thea Harrison Copy Share Image
“He rolled his eyes at Suren. He couldn’t stand the sound of that sow’s voice. Hearing her say his name was especially… — Aaron Overfield Copy Share Image
![“SADNESSES OF THE INTELLECT: Sadness of being misunderstood [sic]; Humor sadness; Sadness of love wit[hou]t release; Sadne[ss of be]ing smart; Sadness of not knowing enough words to [express what you mean]; Sadness of having options; Sadness of wanting sadness; Sadness of confusion; Sadness of…” quote by Jonathan Safran Foer](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/52e/jonathan-safran-foer-136_anxiety_sadnesses-of-the-intellect-sadness-of-be_614773.jpg)
