“Swinging the door open, I took a sip. All of the coffee in the world wouldn't help if more visitors showed up… — Nicole Hamlett Copy Share Image
“Sex is not a wizard, whatever magical-seeming properties it might possess in its better forms. If your friend says to you, "You're… — Katie Heaney Copy Share Image
“Tesla,” the vicar mused. “That’s a foreign name, is it not? Hungarian, is it?” “Serbian,” I corrected him. “I’m afraid the ——shire… — Vinnie Tesla Copy Share Image
“Define normal, Clara?” I laughed when I tried to figure out the true definition. “Normal is a function on a washing machine,… — Kathryn Morgan Parry Copy Share Image
“Some people find it comfortable to go through life on their knees, and good luck to them, but I prefer to keep… — Beryl Bainbridge Copy Share Image
As far as ever wanting to give up, there have been a few times where I thought, 'Man, am I even good… — Tiffany Haddish Copy Share Image
“We've got this heat going on, that's all. If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not go into that end… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
I do feel like in filmmaking you are largely in control of the perception of you. If you want to be seen… — Leigh Whannell Copy Share Image
I decided I'd try my hand as a stand-up comedian, as I loved making people laugh, and appeared at the Latitude Festival,… — Daniel Rigby Copy Share Image
I've only made short films and two features, which are very different. One is a surreal comedy, and the other is a… — Sophie Barthes Copy Share Image
I think one of the great things about 'Bridesmaids' is that it's a big studio comedy, but all of the relationships in… — Adam Scott Copy Share Image
“No. Seriously. Speak American and not this ancient and very fucked-up, confusing olden-day Euro crap. Without the confusing woo-woo refrences, explain why… — P.C. Cast Copy Share Image
“Jehovah's Witness are welcomed into my home...You gotta respect anybody who gets all dressed up in Sunday clothes and goes door-to-door on… — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
“Couldn’t you hypnotize her or something?" "It doesn’t work like that." "I thought vampires were all sex gods with the ladies." Cade… — Christopher Farnsworth Copy Share Image
I think if anything, the fact that it's popular right now makes me go: "Well, I guess I'm going to start doing… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
“That guy with the silver hair, he’s your dad, right?” Amber questioned, surveying the scene. “Yes,” I said, reluctant to say anything… — Brandi Salazar Copy Share Image
“** The fall semester will offer such classes as Learning When to Shut Up, Asking for Directions, Chick Flicks 101 and The… — K. Larsen Copy Share Image
I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The constituents of tragedy may be universally acknowledged, easily invoked and deeply felt, but the elements of comedy are, I think, more… — Paul Di Filippo Copy Share Image
“All of our lives suck right now, okay? You might think yours is an extra special sparkly rainbow unicorn fart type of… — Lia Habel Copy Share Image
“I'll let you in on a secret. I don't drink coffee." I genuinely gasped in horror. "The devil you say. Java is… — Charlie Cochet Copy Share Image
Conspiracy theories abound in American politics. I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“If we are lucky, they were never retarded enough to create computer viruses and will have no such things as firewalls and… — Thomas Wilson Copy Share Image
I liked that improv and sketch comedy were collaborative, but you really depended on other people and a stage to perform. With… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“Don't let your schedule rule you - just do what you gotta do - or don't do it if you don't want… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“You know how to steer a yacht?" Mr. McIntyre asked Ian worriedly. "I was born knowing how to steer a yacht," Ian… — Margaret Peterson Haddix Copy Share Image
“I'll make it pleasurable for you, Injun, he promised. And we'll do it face to face, so your wolf won't think I'm… — Charlie Richards Copy Share Image
“Doing anything for the holidays? Joe asked me. We were stopped at a traffic light that was generally acknowledged to be the… — James Siegel Copy Share Image
“It’s physically impossible to be both a dork and gay. It’s like saying you’re color blind and blind. The universe will only… — Eli Easton Copy Share Image
I think kids want the same thing from a book that adults want - a fast-paced story, characters worth caring about, humor,… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“One hundred and thirteen seconds." "I am in extreme dislike ..." Gasp. "... of this process at the present moment." Gasp. "And… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
“One day might be different from another, but there ain't much difference when they're put together. September 14, 1911: Writer and teacher… — William H. Armstrong Copy Share Image
If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize… — Paul Harvey Copy Share Image
“No, little one, George's ghost won't come back. Human beings don't have souls. No soul, no ghost. Simple." "How can you say… — Leonie Swann Copy Share Image
“Santino, come here. What's the matter with you? I think your brain is going soft with all that comedy you are playing… — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
