“You better not be dead. This team is already overflowing with ankle spankers. I was looking forward to having more women around."… — Lindsay Buroker Copy Share Image
“To Gran, “strong medicine” could be good or bad, just like the laxatives she was forever talking about. Good for makin’ the… — Lili St. Crow Copy Share Image
Linda Brewer's example is inspiring, colorful and potentially very funny. Her journey also exists firmly in the Heartland tradition of American success… — David Duchovny Copy Share Image
“I think it would be well, and proper, and obedient, and pure, to grasp your one necessity and not let it go,… — Annie Dillard Copy Share Image
“When you’re in love with two people, always choose the second. The fact that you are constantly thinking of the second person… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“Verily I say unto you," Stuart said, looking Cyril straight in the eye and folding his arms, "that if you do not… — Martha Finley Copy Share Image
George Lopez has to get a physical comedy checkup every year to make sure his bulging eyes don't get out of control...… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
In order for comedy to be funny you have to play the truth of the moment. But if you're not being completely… — Stephen Root Copy Share Image
Some people don't seem to be able to distinguish between humour and what you really feel. They forget that there's a difference… — Limmy Copy Share Image
When I did stand-up at U.C.B., and I had a blog for a couple of years that started my writing career, 'Totally… — Erin Foster Copy Share Image
“I would trust you with my life. I'm betting that something evil would appear pleasing but feel foul." Gregori's glittering silver eyes… — Christine Feehan Copy Share Image
Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea… — Mike Royko Copy Share Image
“But from now on let's try to be careful when we're around people I know. You won't sketch them and I won't… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
“Then there was this empty silence-a hole in the noisy crowd. Troy watched me, Dad watched Troy watching me, and I watched… — Megan Miranda Copy Share Image
“That guy just loaded our box in the trunk. He's getting in. Follow him!" she shouted "I can't--too many cars in my… — Marvin Wiebener Copy Share Image
“She is my companion on my many genealogical hunts, and I will be forever indebted to her for the knowledge that she… — Rett MacPherson Copy Share Image
That's the thing about comedy, there's something utterly delightful and slightly pure about a really good joke, and to create one is… — Sean Lock Copy Share Image
“I just came this morning and haven't been debriefed yet about the status of our latest prisoners. As a matter of fact,… — Elle Aycart Copy Share Image
“What's a flange?" asked Marcia. A what?" A flange. It says here attatch piece Y to the long, upright D, taking care… — Angie Sage Copy Share Image
The Danes don't take themselves seriously at all and look for the joke in everything. Us Scots are on the same line… — Jamie Sives Copy Share Image
Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
Many improv groups give off the same positive annoying vibe that I associate with Christian Young Life groups with shows that more… — Matt Besser Copy Share Image
I think the humor, when applied in the right amount, only serves to intensify the other emotions in a given song; it… — John Grant Copy Share Image
Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because,… — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
“And I've thought of a way to help you with the concept of color. "Close your eyes and be still, now. I'm… — Lois Lowry Copy Share Image
“When the navy hears the phrase 'secure the building', they turn off the lights and go home; the marines kill everything inside… — C.C. Masters Copy Share Image
“I pray this new year will be greater, smooth and brings best aroma to our smelling, normal burning for toothpicks, blue colours… — oladosu feyikogbon Copy Share Image
“She deigned to asked me how ice queens reproduce. I grinned, and her mother looked horrified. “We procreate by way of ice… — Michelle Franklin Copy Share Image
“Does anyone else have a phone?" said Jason. Nim shook her head. "It was in my clutch at the party." "I never… — Leigh Bardugo Copy Share Image
“He tackled a woman's baby carriage. After the seven-month-old baby skidded across the pavement and began bawling his eyes out, Bill Brady… — Jasun Ether Copy Share Image
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
“I'd love to see the Iron Jackal's face when he finds out I'm already dead," he said with half a grin. "Now… — Chris Wooding Copy Share Image
Fake is not a word I like to use because there's nothing fake about what I do. It's a show, it's a… — Chris Jericho Copy Share Image
I believe in putting out positivity into the world and so comedy is a job where you feel like you're making people… — Karan Soni Copy Share Image
“tea. He watched her while she made it, made it, of course, all wrong: the water not on the boil, the teapot… — Graham Greene Copy Share Image
In other big cities, I can play a series of sold-out one-nighters at various comedy clubs, but Detroit's the only place in… — Soupy Sales Copy Share Image
“Nobody taught me to be like this. I was born this way. Since I opened my eyes to the world, I have… — Chavela Vargas Copy Share Image
I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage:… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“We may not be, as we used to boast, the only ones who can deploy vocal communication for sheer pleasure and recreation,… — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
![“Nobody taught me to be like this. I was born this way. Since I opened my eyes to the world, I have never slept with a man. Never. Just imagine what purity. I have nothing to be ashamed of. [2000]” quote by Chavela Vargas](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/e7b/chavela-vargas-43007_ashamed_nobody-taught-me-to-be-like-this-i-was-b_2091348.jpg)
