I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“I smiled, trying to look harmless. “Don't do that. You'll freak everyone out,” he ordered. I dropped my smile. “Now you look… — Patricia Lynne Copy Share Image
That's what's great about standup comedy: the instant feedback. You get up on stage, you tell a joke, if it doesn't work,… — Jimmy O. Yang Copy Share Image
A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I have always been of the opinion that your successes are due not so much to your medical skill as your dogged… — Elizabeth Peters Copy Share Image
“Haven't you ever heard that modesty is an attractive trait?" "Only from ugly people," Jace confided. "The meek may inherit the earth,… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
When writing comedy, you have to have the confidence to believe that there is only one type of relationship in the world,… — Steven Moffat Copy Share Image
“The only way to cry your eyes out and laugh your ass off at the same time is to have your mom… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
Every time you turn on your new car, you're turning on 20 microprocessors. Every time you use an ATM, you're using a… — Scott McNealy Copy Share Image
Like his admirer Samuel Beckett, Johnson locates his voices among conditions of such deprivation that even the most miserable memories are gilded… — James Marcus Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Getting up close and personal with sharks doesn't make you a wildlife enthusiast--it makes you dinner. An Austrian tourist wanted… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't want to offend people and I don't want to be mean, but social commentary and comedy for me are part… — Alanis Morissette Copy Share Image
My paintings capture the humor, zaniness, and depth of the Batman villains as well as the Freudian motivations of Batman as an… — Adam West Copy Share Image
“So you would literally take a bullet for me." "No," Claire said, with zero emotion. "No?" Ryan said, surprised at her answer.… — Jamie McGuire Copy Share Image
“Somewhere in the cosmos, he said, along with all the planets inhabited by humanoids, reptiloids, fishoids, walking treeoids and superintelligent shades of… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
I love Nicole Holofcener's films for their constant duality of humor and emotion and their focus on very real, if flawed, dynamics… — Susanna Fogel Copy Share Image
“What are you doing, Avery?” I held up my bottle. “Drinking. What are you doing?” His icy blue eyes narrowed. “That’s not… — J. Lynn Copy Share Image
“I spent hours yesterday talking of little but medical symptoms and insane asylums. And you listened as though it were poetry and… — Loretta Chase Copy Share Image
What people get admired and appreciated for in community are their soft skills: their sense of humor and timing, their ability to… — M. Scott Peck Copy Share Image
“Why no s for two deer, but an s for two monkeys? Brother Quang says no one knows. So much for rules!… — Thanhha Lai Copy Share Image
“How are you feeling?" I leaned away from him. "Gross." Aiden frowned. "Gross?" "I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
Obviously, my stuff has been more in the comedy realm, and I really believe that if I'm laughing behind the camera, then… — Will Packer Copy Share Image
“Faith is hoping that the wizard behind the curtain will explain what the flying monkeys had to do with you realizing that… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“In order not to make a liar out of Henry or Katherine, one or the other, the committee men think up circumstances… — Hilary Mantel Copy Share Image
“So if I asked you to wear my skirt and juggle my high heels, you would?” I joked. I could only see… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“It’s possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God is Great, what do atheists shout when… — Martin Amis Copy Share Image
The world of the arts is by no means always comfortable, but neither is it likely ever to be boring. It is… — Russell Lynes Copy Share Image
One question about a joke is, how well is the strangeness of the situation resolved? At 'The New Yorker', we retain a… — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Boys can essentially wee anywhere, and my very scientific theory is that this privilege leads to some of the mind-blowing confidence they… — Lolly Adefope Copy Share Image
To be intuitive, we must cultivate our sense of humor and look for reasons to laugh everywhere. We become so self-absorbed and… — Sonia Choquette Copy Share Image
Joe Barbera's s always complaining that he can't get humor into cartoons anymore. Just do it. You've got your money. Why do… — John Kricfalusi Copy Share Image
'Bunk' is a comedy game show where, each week, three of my favorite comedians compete in a series of bizarre and meaningless… — Kurt Braunohler Copy Share Image
The basis of tragedy is man's helplessness against disease, war and death; the basis of comedy is man's helplessness against vanity (the… — Dawn Powell Copy Share Image
“Okay, don't get mad." She pulled out my stake --- or at least something that looked like my stake,only the hilt of… — Bree Despain Copy Share Image
I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted… — Todd Barry Copy Share Image
There are two insults which no human being will endure: The assertion that he hasn't a sense of humor, and the doubly… — Sinclair Lewis Copy Share Image
“ Robert Ingersoll 's character was as nearly perfect as it is possible for the character of mortal man to be... none… — Charles Spalding Thomas Copy Share Image
The dogs in our lives, the dogs we come to love and who (we fervently believe) love us in return, offer more… — Marjorie Garber Copy Share Image
