That awkward moment when you're actually telling the truth, but you're laughing so everyone thinks you're lying. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What good is it to be rich if we canna scrape up the scratch to buy a political prisoner on a whim?” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“I'm quite convinced that it's energy and humor. The two of them combined equal charm.” — judith krantz Copy Share Image
Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods. — George Burns Copy Share Image
I believe if I make God angry one more time. I'll be eligible to win a free Bible — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
“But she’s a nice lass.” “Addolgar, she poisoned you.” “But she didn’t kill me. That’s what’s important.” — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“When you’re by yourself you can act as mature as you want, or as silly as you want – it makes no… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
If you are not on TV, you don't really exist. I want to bring my comedy to the world and tell my… — Gad Elmaleh Copy Share Image
“America is bad at discriminating between danger likely to strike again, and red herrings, the freaking helpings of disaster that no man… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“Mrs. Jennings wrote to tell the wonderful tale, to vent her honest indignation against the jilting girl, and pour forth her compassion… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
To die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly. Death freely chosen, death at the right time, brightly and… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
“Okay, so how, exactly, did I get into this mess—up onstage at a comedy club, baking like a bag of French fries… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
“Uri stood staring at him, casually looking Gabe's body up and down before saying with a sly grin, "Well hello to you… — Wendy Owens Copy Share Image
People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
To go from working with a group of people in a sketch-comedy show on a small network, where it was all about… — Ken Marino Copy Share Image
Dear Diet, Things just aren't going to work between us. It's not me, it's you. You're tasteless, boring and I cant stand… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Brother, when beauty falls into your hand, you hold on to it while you can. You could be dead tomorrow. Well, that’s...… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
“This is a Southern gift, isn't it - tremendous self-regard diluted with humor and modesty. That's what they mean by Southern charm,… — Michael Cunningham Copy Share Image
Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Earlier, in my career, I was part of many comedy films and not too happy with the work I got. — Rimi Sen Copy Share Image
Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Fine, I'll teach you,' 'Besides, there's only so many times a girl wants to fall on her butt in front of the… — Joss Stirling Copy Share Image
Humor is not a sign of weakness. In fact, humor can be your greatest asset in the face of tragedy. — Lee Corso Copy Share Image
“And I doubt they'll figure out our plan, since we can barely understand it ourselves.” — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
“God, she was convinced, would look the other way. It was Christmas after all.” — Dahlia Schweitzer Copy Share Image
“If our school ever performed a play about the French Revolution, she could play the guillotine.” — Robin Benway Copy Share Image
“The greatest proof that the Bible is inspired is that it has withstood so much bad preaching!” — Archibald Thomas Robertson Copy Share Image
“Hands can cook, hands can create, hands can kill. There is no better tool than our hands.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“But stinging nettles: They just love existing, don't they? They're bastards. Stinging nettles are the Nazis of the weed world.” — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Sometimes I may paint myself into a corner, but you should see the exquisite details and colors. . . — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
“There's a mathematics to nesting, I'm sure, that explains how length of stay + space available = accumulating way too much stuff.” — Amy Elizabeth Smith Copy Share Image
It is better to write of laughter than of tears, for laughter is the property of man. — Francois Rabelais Copy Share Image
“This is 911 dispatch, and the nature of your emergency… fire, ambulance, police or… physics?” — Simon Oliver Copy Share Image
I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
“A nose is ordinarily naked. A nose isn’t nipple, although there are similarities.” — Graham Spaid Copy Share Image
The French aren't known for being hilarious. When I told Parisians I was interested in French humor, they'd say 'French what?' — Pamela Druckerman Copy Share Image
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Why is It called breaKing news cause it might break your heart or mIndset” — efiba progress Copy Share Image
I think comedy's harder to pull off on the screen than on the stage, anyway. Tragedy is easier on the screen... oddly… — Sam Shepard Copy Share Image
