“I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and… — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
I want to stretch myself. Another reason why I'm so fortunate is that this is a drama and I've been brought up… — Steven Yeun Copy Share Image
“If we adopted Jack," I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance” — Daven Anderson Copy Share Image
“I'm so scared of commitment that I even hate stickers. I mean, once they're stuck, that's it. No going back now. Stupid… — Kaine Andrews Copy Share Image
It's always judged on funny first, then the facts, and the realism, and the points that you're trying to make. — Jordan Klepper Copy Share Image
“Nothing was your own except the few cubic centimetrrs inside your skull” — Heather Demetrios Copy Share Image
Sorry I'm annoying,sorry I'm not funny,sorry I'm boring,sorry I'm messed up'sorry I cut'sorry I'm ugly,sorry I'm fat,sorry I exist — Sarah Copy Share Image
“Runach didn't consider himself particularly dull, but he had to admit he was baffled. "Then what now?" "What do you mean, what… — Lynn Kurland Copy Share Image
What took you so long?” Nash asked, as he slid into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed. “I stopped to… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
“Second: them poor things well out o' this, and never no more will I interfere with Mrs. Cruncher's flopping, never no more!"… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Why do you haunt me? You, like a tattoo on my tongue, like the bay leaf at the bottom of every pan.… — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
“They stole from rich merchants and temples and kings. They didn't steal from poor people; this was not because there was anything… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Nobody tried to follow me when I left the coffeehouse at ten, or at least nobody but some of the overweight so-called… — Robin McKinley Copy Share Image
“Solomon counted out the coins very slowly and in silence, and then said, "Are you certain you weren't born Jewish?" "No," said… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I did an Off-Broadway show that was a comedy written by Ann Meara. We were like a family, and we did that… — Lance Reddick Copy Share Image
“There was once a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler’s mind.” — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
Appropriately used humor can shine light on the truth, disarm difficult behavior, and show that you have superior composure. — Senoraroy Copy Share Image
Usually, comedy shows only influence other comedy shows. 'M*A*S*H' is one of the few comedies that influenced dramatic shows as well. — Alan Alda Copy Share Image
As accidental as my life may be, or as that random humor is, which governs it, I know nothing, after all, so… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Sometimes people are often confused between attitude and style. Nevermind, I'm Awesome.” — Yugesh Ralli Copy Share Image
“Where's the fun in playing with knives if you can't draw a little blood?” — Donald Gorman Copy Share Image
I'm not a quick wit. I'm only funny on paper. I mean, I'm not totally humorless! It's just that in person, I'm… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
I really enjoy comedy, but I also still really enjoy the drama aspect. So, I don't like to narrow my possible chances… — Erica Durance Copy Share Image
My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
“Look at you—instead of being dressed for success, you’re dressed to depress.” — Mardi Ballou Copy Share Image
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“Few humans see fairies or hear their music, but many find fairy rings of dark grass, scattered with toadstools, left by their… — Judy Allen Copy Share Image
“Of course, you didn't want our help. Now I have to go beat up some soldier just to keep my ego intact.” — Maria V. Snyder Copy Share Image
“No one's going to come shopping if the 'for sale' sign isn't on the door.” — Eli Easton Copy Share Image
Her faith in a loving and forgiving God is strong, but she worships laughter. — Miriam Toews Copy Share Image
Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter. — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
“I’m not sure how people drink out of skulls,” Jinx added. Calvin had too many holes in him to make a good… — Sage Blackwood Copy Share Image
“Well, this was uncomfortable. We should do it again sometime in the never future.” — Stacy O'Neale Copy Share Image
“When life gives you food accessories, you turn them into Omega Trophies!” — Dan Bergstein Copy Share Image
'I don't say a Zionist must be insane,' said President Weizmann, 'but it helps if he is.' — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I think the Canadian sense of humor is dryer than America's and juicier than Britain's. I think it's a cross between the… — Scott Thompson Copy Share Image
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
“Elizabeth knew it was a fast day, but the rumbling in her belly was harder to ignore than the grumbling of the… — Anya Seton Copy Share Image
“Maatsuyker, the wild island south of Tasmania where it rained most days of the year and the chickens blew into the sea… — M.L. Stedman Copy Share Image
