“I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food".” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
Humor was also a defense mechanism from getting picked on at school. If I could be funny maybe people wouldn't bother me. — Pandora Boxx Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket together create a blick. That’s it. That’s all I got.” — Amy Riekhof Copy Share Image
“It is in the midst of laughter that our perspective alters and we realize this trying life can still be enjoyed.” — Richelle E. Goodrich Copy Share Image
When Jesus told us to love one another, He never said we had to like it. — John Alejandro King Copy Share Image
It's tough to do comedy. After 'Mister', my inhibitions with respect to comedy have come down. — Varun Tej Copy Share Image
“If wishes were horses, paupers would ride. If the queen had balls, she'd be king. If I didn't have to WORK, I'd… — Suki Michelle Copy Share Image
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“I decided, on the spot, to let God into my heart, in the hope that my newfound faith can somehow be used… — Nick Hornby Copy Share Image
“We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Shut the front door!” Jenna exclaimed. Andrew disappeared into the foyer, and when he returned, his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. “The… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“No, not 'Very well, Your Excellency', but simply 'Your Excellency'! I told you to watch your tone, Colonel! I also trust you… — Fyodor Dostoevsky Copy Share Image
“I, Lisa K Friedman, being of sound mind and broken foot, served him with a mock complaint: breach of the marriage contract.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Really? Okay, let’s roll.” I didn’t want to learn to drive in his beast of a vehicle, but I wasn’t going to… — Elle Klass Copy Share Image
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I have a dark sense of humor, so I definitely like to work on stuff like that. I do enjoy working in… — Fiona Gubelmann Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
You've got to embrace whatever is given and make the most of every opportunity to make it funny or to make it… — William Regal Copy Share Image
I feel more comfortable in drama. Comedy is a high-wire act. I find it stressful. It's a precision science in a way. — Colin Firth Copy Share Image
“For with dandies, a joke is the only way of making yourself respected.” — Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly Copy Share Image
“Don't Tase Me Bro! If I'm a cop, and I'm a brotha, and they let me have a taser? Sorry bro, I'm… — Larry Wilmore Copy Share Image
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. — George Burns Copy Share Image
“Step One: Grab Mattie. Step Two: Run. It wasn't much of a plan. But what it lacked in potential it made up… — Ted Mendelssohn Copy Share Image
“Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground, and it explodes into an oak!” — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Women, as some witty Frenchman once put it, inspire us with the desire to do masterpieces and always prevent us from carrying… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
As an actor, you don't become Meryl Streep by doing the same type of comedy. You get there by being challenged. — Octavia Spencer Copy Share Image
Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories. — Steve Allen Copy Share Image
And I think comedy obviously a great way to get a message out because you know the reason why things are funny… — Laurie David Copy Share Image
Of course, my whole theory of comedy is based in reality. The funniest stuff comes from real life. — Philip Rosenthal Copy Share Image
“Twenty to life, she got, with time off for good behavior. You come around next spring. I'll introduce you.” — Alfred Hitchcock Copy Share Image
'War on Everyone,' I think... the script was hilarious to me, but it's very dark, dark humor. It's super dark. — Michael Pena Copy Share Image
“Youre a public menace.You shouldnt be allowed out on your own."said Simon. "Jealousy is such an ugly emotion,Lewis."said Jace.” — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“There's a fine line between stuff, and if you stare at it long enough it'll drive you insane or to genius” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
Everyone knows how people who laugh easily create us by their laughter,--making us think of funnier and funnier things. — Brenda Ueland Copy Share Image
Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith. For without fear of the devil there is no need for… — Sean Connery Copy Share Image
“There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden’s brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload.” — Courtney Kirchoff Copy Share Image
“The whiter the bread, the quicker you're dead. Stick with barley and spelt.” — Ken O'Neill Copy Share Image
“I should think a dead language would be rather boring, socially speaking.” — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
Masturbating is a form of stress relief...so go fuck yourself and calm down.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
