Humor Quotes · Page 451

“he just clamps his lips over mine and sticks his tongue so far into my mouth I feel like I'm being examined…

— Poppet

“The psychopaths are always around. In calm times we study them, but in times of upheaval, they rule over us.”

— Ernst Kretschmer

I'd have more money than Bill Gates if I could invent a snooze button for bladders.

— Rock Cowles

I always say to Blake Griffin that he has a better comedy career than I do.

— Neal Brennan

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.

— Lenny Bruce

“The Park's nice,' his father conceded, 'but the rest of the country is just people in huge cars wondering what to eat…

— Edward St. Aubyn

“Captain," the canoeist named Eric began, taking a step forward. "Have we been Bermuda triangulated?”

— Talia R. Blackwood

“Oh get over yourself, so you can kill people, I could shoot you in your face if I wanted to, anyone can…

— Holly Hood

For the writers I have worked with and for me, the relationship between the personal comedy of daily life and the economic…

— Ken Loach

What I found absolutely the best thing about comedy is it's a little club. You find yourself part of this strange needy…

— John Bishop

I loved Catwoman's sense of humor. I love how sly she is. I love how she, to use a cat metaphor, walks…

— Anne Hathaway

“Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. "I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone,…

— Lewis Carroll

A sign now of success with a certain audience when you do a short comedy piece, anywhere, is that it gets on…

— Andy Samberg

“And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons…

— Elizabeth Eulberg

“I always feel the greatest bliss when I recollect those I have caught in my snares, for they generally are insolent, and…

— Giacomo Casanova

“ --- she says it’s a tradition --- which must mean all those things people do that they don’t know why they…

— George Hammond

Faith in the face of disappointment is only enhanced by laughter in the face of pain.

— Marc Maron

“We're needed to save an innocent barrel of wine from a lecherous duke's son.”

— Alethea Kontis

“My mother’s father was just called “The Governor,” or “Himself.” Which, if you have sixteen kids, probably isn’t as crazy as it…

— Kathy Griffin

“You have two eyes, and two ears, but only one mouth. This is so because you are supposed to look and listen…

— Lucca Kaldahl

I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to…

— Matt LeBlanc

“These folks zigged when the rest of the world zagged. And once you cross the line, there's no coming back. Mark my…

— Jack Gantos

“Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I use Google to check if I have internet connection more than I use Google to Google.

— Anonymous

I have never believed much in luck, and my sense of humor has tended to walk on the dark side.

— Hunter S. Thompson

“Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

See, the problem is that God gave men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a…

— Robin Williams

With comedy, I like to not rehearse and just have fun with it, because I think being spontaneous is the best thing…

— Diora Baird

“Humans serve cats as dogs serve humans. And sometimes, I fear, as ineptly.”

— Jon Evans

Jesus!" Luke exclaimed. "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.

— Cassandra Clare

“Pamela produced placid babies. "They don't tend to turn feral until they're two," she said.”

— Kate Atkinson

“I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?”

— Melanie Marchande

“There are two kinds of people in this world who never learn: those who always talk, and those who never listen.”

— T.A. Uner

Comedy is very difficult. I love it because when you do it right, it's the best feeling in the world.

— Brandon Jay McLaren

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

— Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I think I learned everything about comedy and timing and drama from watching 'The Muppet Show,' which was one of the best…

— Michael Giacchino

To be in a video is a ridiculous thing. It's almost impossible to do it without any humour

— Richard Ayoade

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

— Woody Allen

I think you're born with a comedy gene, and you can't teach timing, and you can't teach satire, pathos.

— Brad Garrett

“Violet: "You're an asshole." Onyx: "Thank you, it's something that took an eternity to perfect.”

— Jessica Shirvington