Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor… — ZhatsPrincess Copy Share Image
I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If you're talking about me behind my back, you're in the perfect position to kiss my ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I don't care what the airlines say, there is no such thing as a non-stop flight.” — Steve Trotter Copy Share Image
“why do you have to fix the salad? who broke it? i didn't touch it. did you break the salad, mom? if… — David Levithan Copy Share Image
“The almost-always-ghastly exclamation point has been lately compared to canned laughter.” — George will Copy Share Image
“respecting other peoples opinion is like saying " you are an important personality".” — Oloruntofunmikolade Copy Share Image
“Courage?" I gave a very soft laugh. "I find courage is just another of life's illusions. In the end, we all do… — Anthony Ryan Copy Share Image
If you're playing things sincere in a really absurd, heightened situation, you'll achieve comedy as opposed to just saying funny lines and… — Jeff Baena Copy Share Image
The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
It would be especially comforting to believe that I have the answer to the question, What happens when we die? Does the… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
“Diesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you." "I'm not fondling you. I'm looking… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles,… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
A word says more than a thousand images. Exercises for the visually inclined: illustrate "appreciation", "humor", "software", "education", "inalienable rights", "elegance", "fact". — Erik Naggum Copy Share Image
“Bursar?" "Yes, Archchancellor?" "You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?" "Me? No, Archchancellor." "Then it'd be a… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“If history teaches us anything at all, it is that sooner or later, wherever you go or whatever you do, the sad,… — Taylor Anderson Copy Share Image
