“If the world is your oyster, why are some people so full of grit?” — Stacy S. Avary Copy Share Image
“Life is a bitch. Not even the bitch that fucks everyone but you. She's the bitch with AIDS that doesn't want to… — Adam Ketcheson Copy Share Image
“You can take the redneck out of the mountains, but you can't take the budwizer away from the redneck.” — Ione Larissa Copy Share Image
“Traveling through space is for the birds. I’m bored…should’ve brought the wife. Poseidon, the Okeanos Pantheon.” — Yelle Hughes Copy Share Image
“One boy's a boy; two boys be half a boy, and three boys be no boy at all', ran the old country… — Flora Thompson Copy Share Image
“Neither would you, had you grown up in a library of melodramatic romance novels.” — Clementine Holzinger Copy Share Image
In real life, I can't be earnest, I can't have a serious conversation. I will fob everything off on jokes and humour. — CMAT Copy Share Image
I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,” — Steven Pinker Copy Share Image
“Oh, go right ahead,' she replied. 'You seem to have such an affinity for canines.' 'Clearly,' he shot back, keeping his voice… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“So you see, you have nothing to be afraid of." Oh no, thought Otto, just squads of hired goons wandering around with… — Mark Walden Copy Share Image
“When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference. But laughing is… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“You hear even a hint that a blizzard’s coming, Roxanne Giselle, you go straight to the store and buy toilet paper, you… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
There is reason to smile and celebrate when you win, but when you struggle, that is about laughter. That is the pathos… — Ronnie Apteker Copy Share Image
“When, for instance, a highly esteemed professor in his seventies abandons his family and runs off with a young red-headed actress, we… — C.G. Jung Copy Share Image
