A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Whatever I do, when I'm working, I'm very serious. But after, I will play, I am funny. — Sammo Hung Copy Share Image
I was one of the people that always got chosen last, and I think I bulked up my comedy bone to make… — Michelle Visage Copy Share Image
“I believe I'm done for," said Tom. "The cussed sneaking dog, to leave me to die alone! My poor old mother always… — Harriet Beecher Stowe Copy Share Image
“If you would not be forgotten As soon as you are dead and rotten, Either write things worth reading, Or do things… — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
“laughter is cathartic and cleansing, that it's good for the body and the soul, and when it's real it's better than sex.” — Patricia Gaffney Copy Share Image
The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“In fact the bare adjective "bad" hardly scratches the surface of the man's awesome incapacity.” — John Biggins Copy Share Image
“ Grammar, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet of the self-made man, along the path by which he… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
I definitely prefer working in comedy over drama, but at the same time, when it comes to comedy, I tend to prefer… — Fiona Gubelmann Copy Share Image
“They sounded like intestines, only on the outside, and the men in the Bible were always having them cut off and not… — Jeanette Winterson Copy Share Image
“At forty my faculties may have closed up like flowers at evening, leaving me unable to write my memoirs with a fitting… — James Thurber Copy Share Image
“Speciàl" is one of those elusive French words that means something (or someone is...peculiar. The use of it is one of the… — David Lebovitz Copy Share Image
Nobody wanted to help me get my start, not to mention it's tough being a female in a man's world of stand-up… — Anjelah Johnson Copy Share Image
When you don't have a laugh track, you can make the clothes funny. We can make a sign funny. We can make… — Mitchell Hurwitz Copy Share Image
“Look, we need to make time, but we also need to be somewhat quiet." She faced him. "I am being quiet!" Pathik… — Teri Hall Copy Share Image
A comedian is not a person who opens a funny door - he's the person who opens a door funny. — Chuck Jones Copy Share Image
I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy. — Joe Rogan Copy Share Image
A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is… — Jennifer Lopez Copy Share Image
With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres! — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
I try and make myself or consenting people I am very close to the victims of my comedy. I don't enjoy bullying… — Greg Davies Copy Share Image
“Revenge is a dish best served cold but Mama prefers to serve it with hot gravy, potatoes, and roast turkey.” — Jonathan Dunne Copy Share Image
“My elderly mother's favorite drink is "Johnnie." She's already got a walker.” — Dan Adams Copy Share Image
“In the legal respect, after the execution of the supposed incendiaries, the other half of Moscow burned down.” — Leo Tolstoy Copy Share Image
When you've got nowhere to turn, turn on the gas. , Answered Prayers (Unspoiled Monsters). — Truman Capote Copy Share Image
“Nick: I had a great time. ;) Delilah: Are you winking at me? Nick: No, I had something in my emoticon eye :)~” — M.D. Saperstein Copy Share Image
Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting. — Stephan Pastis Copy Share Image
Steve Carell and Tina Fey are a match made in comedy heaven. They're perfect. — Ben Lyons Copy Share Image
I don't have to defend what I do for a job. Who cares what people say? If people don't see the humor… — Too Short Copy Share Image
No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. — Abraham Lincoln Copy Share Image
I think comedies should be short. I don't want to be self-indulgent; I don't want a two-hour comedy. — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
“Don't make me cover your face with a pillow until you see my side of things." "Isn't that called murder?” — G A Aiken Copy Share Image
I definitely have a dark sense of humor, and in ways I think that comes from having a lot of childhood trauma… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
“Butler: Do you think I look deaf? William: Whadda I know. You look like you could be anything.” — Richmal Crompton Copy Share Image
I love physical comedy. I love Oscar Wilde, I love Shakespeare comedies, I love improv. — Elizabeth Banks Copy Share Image
“I guess all my afternoon beers and burgers were catching up with me, which made me want to scream THEN WHY NOT… — Jonas Eriksson Copy Share Image
There's very few comedy sci-fis that have worked for me other than the classics, like 'Red Dwarf' and, of course, 'Hitchhiker's Guide.' — David Hewlett Copy Share Image
“They certainly won't think she's been taken over by the devil. If anything, they're suspicious that the devil's taken a day off.” — David Levithan Copy Share Image
“The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“No really, I'm a werewolf and you're a human, which essentially translates into a steak with legs.” — Quinn Loftis Copy Share Image
