“I apply for a new job twice a week, every week. I am applying for the position of millionaire but so far… — Brian Randleas Copy Share Image
Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
You know the hardest part of this? The hardest part... is cleaning up afterwards. — Shifu Copy Share Image
“Goddamn fatherfucking asshole politician moral paraplegic dipshit drag-queen bitch!” — Dan Simmons Copy Share Image
“Impertinent children ought to be given six coats of shellac and set up in public places as a warning to others.” — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
“We crossed a small but sturdy wooden bridge a little later, but no trolls were taking tolls.” — Roger Zelazny Copy Share Image
“Me and Mike, ve vork in mine. Holy shit, ve have good time. Vunce a veek ve get our pay. Holy shit,… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
“A pair of great heels was much more satisfying than a man. They lasted longer, and better yet, they didn’t leave me… — Cindi Madsen Copy Share Image
“It was the only way to silence you.” She bristled with outrage. “Silence me? You took liberties with my … my …… — Maya Banks Copy Share Image
“Gage wants to know more about his neighbor, Miss Dupree the one who keeps getting undressed at night with the curtains open… — Richie Tankersley Cusick Copy Share Image
“No,” said Hermione shortly. “Have either of you seen my copy of Numerology and Gramatica ?” “Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
“Hey Charlotte," Julianne yelled. "Hell must have frozen over!" And then in a quieter voice she added, "Charlotte was hoping it would."… — Janette Rallison Copy Share Image
I'm interested in humor, and greeting cards just happen to be a perfect medium for my message. They're accessible to everyone, and… — Anne Taintor Copy Share Image
“Life, I'd heard someone say, is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. It seemed to… — Lawrence Block Copy Share Image
“Thunder gods don't hide." The Russian shrugged. "I am not like Thor. I have Russian depth of character. And I like to… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Yes ma'am," I said, "Anna Celeste's party is Saturday, but I don't need a ride… No ma'am. It's because Anna Celeste is… — Sheila Turnage Copy Share Image
I really am thankful that I got to do The Proposal movie the right way with people who taught me how to… — Sandra Bullock Copy Share Image
It is well known that Beauty does not look with a good grace on the timid advances of Humor. — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
“The poet is a faker / Who's so good at his act / He even fakes the pain / Of pain he feels in fact.” — Fernando Pessoa Copy Share Image
“Listen, I'd rather lie naked in a plowed field under an incontinent horse for a week than have to read that paragraph… — Diane Ackerman Copy Share Image
I love '30 Rock.' It's one of my favorite shows. It's certainly the gold standard of comedy writing. — Dan Harmon Copy Share Image
I think empathy is romantic. I think humor is romantic. Kindness is romantic. I think those kind of gestures of caring and… — Michael Buble Copy Share Image
“I'll pretty much try any cheese, but I have found that I prefer young goats and old cows. I don't like gray… — Nichole Robertson Copy Share Image
I like drama. I love being in a drama where I get to be the funny guy. That's what I really love… — John Leguizamo Copy Share Image
Growing up my brother showed me a lot of Cohen brothers movies, I guess that's where I get my dark humor from. — Charles Forsman Copy Share Image
“In all the daydreams she’d woven about her and Titus sharing intimate conversations, never once did they entail discussing corset burglary.” — Karen Witemeyer Copy Share Image
“Rogan gave him a flat stare. Lesser men would’ve fled for their life, but Augustine was clearly made of sterner stuff.” — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
Hang onto your sense of humor. I picture my obituary : The sexiest man alive is now dead. — Mark Harmon Copy Share Image
I always saw myself doing comedy, so when I got the job on 'All My Children' it was not my thing -… — Chrishell Stause Copy Share Image
If my name was Mario I'd get into as many relationships as I can just so I could break up with them… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I loved, like really, really loved, the humor in Jason Eisener's 'Alien Slumber Party.' — Gareth Evans Copy Share Image
“How long y' think it'll take t'git that wild streak out im?" "Well, Brother Tiggins, that'll depend on how long he can… — Mars Hill Copy Share Image
“I'm going to ignore him, but he better fucking notice me ignoring him.” — Van Krishna Copy Share Image
“Paying twenty-five dollars for me was your mistake, ma’am. I’m not worth more than fifteen.” — Margaret Brownley Copy Share Image
People ask me if I have comedy writers, and I'm like, 'Are you kidding me?' — Ana Navarro Copy Share Image
“Their humor is underdog humor, a put-down of what is more powerful than they.” — Wallace Stegner Copy Share Image
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.” — Marley Gibson Copy Share Image
I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
We did sketch comedy, performed live improv, and then we made the transition to TV with 'Impractical Jokers.' — Joe Gatto Copy Share Image
There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about. — Criss Jami Copy Share Image
