Humor Quotes · Page 294

I'm not interested in making horror-comedies, but I'm very interested in making scary movies with funny parts.

— Jason Blum

“Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent.”

— Derek Landy

When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did.

— Allen Klein

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

— Frank Carson

“If you wanted me to take a shower, you should have payed me ten bucks like you usually do!”

— James Patterson

If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?

— Calvin Trillin

I get more satisfaction out of comedy stuff. I'm a laugh tart. I make no secret of that fact.

— Hugh Grant

“I had a standing agreement with god. I'd agree to believe in him, barely, so long as he let me sleep in…

— Richelle Mead

I loved 'Weekend,' and it meant a lot to me when I saw it in the movie theater. I think 'Looking' feels…

— Jonathan Groff

Humor is such a strong weapon, such a strong answer. Women have to make jokes about themselves, laugh about themselves, because they…

— Agnes Varda

Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. So here we are several billion of us,…

— Ogden Nash

The theatre demanded of its members stamina, good digestion, the ability to adjust, and a strong sense of humor. There was no…

— Helen Hayes

“You need a place just a click over middle range. Don’t want to go all-out first time, but you don’t want to…

— Nora Roberts

I have no idea, actually, where I fit in, in terms of poetry camps. At AWP conferences, I have been on panels…

— Denise Duhamel

“His bedroom was a reflection of Bryant's mind, its untidy shelves filled with games and puzzles stacked in ancient boxes, statues and…

— Christopher Fowler

“Sin said, "Lust was never satisfied. She was the largest of the three, and had the loudest, most unforgiving cry. When I…

— Stephen and Tiffany Domena

“Gemma,” I said, adding a singsong whine to my voice, “now I can’t scare her. You can’t go around telling people about…

— Darynda Jones

You've got to have a sense of humour about sex. When you look at it, it's all pretty ridiculous, isn't it?

— Cat Deeley

“My name is Nicomo Cosca, famed solider of fortune, and I am here for dinner.”

— Joe Abercrombie

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. Charles M. Schulz

— Charles M Schulz

Someone needs to make an app that alerts you every time your wife/girlfriend gets a haircut, so we don't forget to notice.

— Anonymous

“Whatever one does, someone is always happy...then again, someone else is not pleased”

— ArLeaBelle

When Logo offered me my own comedy special, I said, 'Let's make it a double.'

— Bianca Del Rio

I learned everything that I know about comedy and about show business and a lot about life from Carl.

— Dick Van Dyke

I wasn't necessarily looking to do comedy on TV, but I don't think it's an accident that I ended up on 'Community.'

— Gillian Jacobs

“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tradegy for the poor.”

— Sholom Aleichem

What's the difference between Justin Bieber and an abortion? I'd pay to see an abortion.

— Amit Verma

“YOU'RE ONLY PUTTING OFF THE INEVITABLE, he said. That's what being alive is all about.”

— Terry Pratchett

I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

— Steven Wright

Whenever you're making a dark comedy, you're always looking for the yin and yang in an actor.

— Jamie Babbit

“As an anonymous wit is supposed to have put it: "Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas which, given enough time, changes into…

— David Christian

“I've sort of been slacking off in my voodoo studies.I've trigonometry, you know?”

— Kendare Blake

“You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.”

— Nicki Elson

“At times I think I can hear my brain screaming, "I am reading here, so please, all other body parts, do your…

— Camron Wright

I think, for me, humour needs to be used like a strong spice - sparingly.

— George Murray

“There's only one way of escaping trouble; and that's killing things." Henry Higgins, Act V, Pygmalion”

— George Bernard Shaw

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

— Steven Wright

My dad was a poet. He saw the world through unique glasses, with simplicity, spirituality, and humor.

— John Carter Cash

“Remember, so swashing anyone into the trunk of your car!” “Sure,” Lula said, “I know that”

— Janet Evanovich

“Oh right,P and P ,” J.D. said. “You know, Tyler, you might want to pick up your balls—I think they just fell…

— Julie James