Humor Quotes · Page 29

“Don''t headbutt the sun, idiot.”

— Wheezywaiter

“Crotch-punchingly real!”

— David Wong

Comedy is often about pain.

— Eric Andre

“What do you want?" "Spain" "Fuck!”

— Christopher Moore

There is no Algorithm for Humor

— Robert Mankoff

“Time's a funny thing”

— Brandt Legg

“Fall off your own roof.”

— Veronica Rossi

I want to own a comedy club.

— Yvonne Orji

Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

— Angela Carter

“Look, I have a huge penis --Jake Wethers”

— Samantha Towle

“What is [insert name here]? Does it taste good?”

— Ken Akamatsu

“At last a lifetime ambition of mine to become a pimp was satisfied.”

— Jack Woodford

When the joke is on you, your sense of humour gets a reality check.

— Nikhil Saluja

I find comedy fun, and I really enjoy doing music.

— Matt Berry

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

— Chris Rock

I enjoy comedy but it can become wearisome.

— Steve Coogan

Humor can help you cope with the unbearable so that you can stay on the bright side of things until the bright…

— Allen Klein

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

— Zach Galifianakis

I don't like forcing comedy and people just trying to do things just to find a funny beat all the time.

— Martin Lawrence

I have a very good sense of humour. I love telling jokes, especially on the golf course.

— Engelbert Humperdinck

I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.

— Peta Wilson

My Indian name was Runs with Scissors, but eventually the tribe elders changed it to Waves at Dogs.

— Rock Cowles

I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.

— Jim Gaffigan

Human comedy is more profound than tragedy. In tragedy we die and it is very sad. In comedy we avoid death, and…

— Jennifer Stone

“I had a dream about you. We were in a canoe, and we were paddling across the desert. You said you were…

— Dora J. Arod

“Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Stay on my six, he said, nuzzling the hair at her ear and breathing deeply the sweet scent of her. You remember…

— Lynn Raye Harris

“Behind his careful political flippancy and cynicism one might also detect a certain careless sincerity, which would probably in the long run…

— Hector Hugh Munro

“If Eric's a demon," I said slowly, "that makes you a..." "Rogue demon hunter." I blinked. "Lost in the Buffyverse, are we?"…

— Lori Handeland

And I strongly support the faith-based initiative that we're proposing, because I don't believe it violates the line between the separation of…

— George W. Bush

In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and…

— Carlos Mencia

Blessed is the satirist; and blessed the ironist; blessed the witty scoffer, and blessed the sentimentalist; for each, having seen one spoke…

— Christopher Morley

I'd love to do comedy.

— Anonymous

“I'm a freak with power.”

— Sherman Alexie

Comedy is acting out optimism.

— Robin Williams

“Tea no more! Down with bustles!”

— Nancy Moser

“Au contraire, mein Freund.”

— Barry Lyga

“Oops, the moth woman mumbles”

— Michael Chabon

“I got big thighs...”

— Al Fletcher by JL Merrow

“Mmmm . . . can I plead LASI?”

— Sherrilyn Kenyon