“I suppose I've been better. Or maybe not, come to think of it. I suppose you could say my life is relatively… — Jonas Jonasson Copy Share Image
“I could've punch him in the nose, but there wasn't a stepladder anywhere handy.” — Jay Crownover Copy Share Image
“I am to be converted to the joys of knitting,' said Mrs. Ali, smiling at the Major. 'My condolences,' he said.” — Helen Simonson Copy Share Image
You're just playing a role, whether it's a drama or a comedy. I find it really fun to sort of play opposite… — Luke Wilson Copy Share Image
“SF's NO GOOD! They bellow 'til we're deaf But =this= is good Well, then, it's not SF!” — Kingsley Amis Copy Share Image
“People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when… — Wes Adamson Copy Share Image
When the response to comedy becomes cheering instead of laughing, that is so irritating. It's the worst. — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
I just couldn't do a comedy show about 'The History Of Dinosaurs;' I'd get bored too easily. — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
“Every working mother has the things she dreads, things that keep her up in the night – pink eye, an ear infection,… — Emily Roberson Copy Share Image
“All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing humor and sheer delight adds a unique restorative and healing element,… — Jeanne Segal Copy Share Image
I love mixing humor and terror, or humor and exhaustion, or even humor and despair. I'm dealing right now with a loved… — Gail Simone Copy Share Image
My humor is - was quite different. Mine was "Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother" and "The World's Greatest Lover" and "Haunted Honeymoon," "The… — Gene Wilder Copy Share Image
There must be courage; there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism.… — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“I didn't want to do it,' Kiala said. 'The universe just kind of conspired to force me to make a fool of… — Graham Parke Copy Share Image
“I know you are incredibly bright, because when you are not being a smartarse your comments in class are very insightful, and… — Amy Harmon Copy Share Image
“She reaches down into her bulging tote bag and pulls out a small plastic box with a hinged lid. It contains a… — Michael Chabon Copy Share Image
Because I was a television writer for many years, I write very conversationally. I put things straight, and with a lot of… — Tracy McMillan Copy Share Image
I guess funny people are attracted to funny people, and then you get comedy marriages. — Casey Wilson Copy Share Image
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
“Just do it! Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus ...” — Susan Longacre Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of… — Michael Summers Copy Share Image
First of all, I find everything funny, which is upsetting to my children sometimes, and to people in my life, in general. — Jenji Kohan Copy Share Image
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“Of course not,” Colby replied. “What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is, well . . . yours.” — Jody Morse Copy Share Image
“Nothing could make me pull away meat-market love goddess. My sexy little filet mignon” — John Corwin Copy Share Image
“If your arteries are good, eat more ice cream. If they are bad, drink more red wine. Proceed thusly.” — Sandra Byrd Copy Share Image
“Here comes a pair of very strange beast, which in all tongues are called "fools".” — Bill Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“Your cold, inflexible heart makes me burn to be inside you.” “Charmer.” — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
You're trying to inspire us...on TWITTER. I am sure I'm not the only one who finds this funny. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“A lamb was a young animal which was legendary for sleeping well on the planet Earth.” — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
“A boyfriend should treat you like a girlfriend, not like a princess. Stop expecting so much from guys & maybe you won't… — 69rascal Copy Share Image
“Well, it's like this," began Mother, "When you die you go and live in another part of London. And that's it." ~… — Will Self Copy Share Image
“I always said I acted like a twelve-year old, so I decided to write like a twelve-year old.” — Terri Bertha Copy Share Image
“It's an attempted murder. It's a suicide, but you're attempting to make it seem like a murder.” — Ben H. Winters Copy Share Image
I'm the youngest in my family, and everyone is very funny, and I was always trying to keep up with them. I… — Lisa Kudrow Copy Share Image
“On our second date, she kissed me in a bar. I invited her home. We just caught the F train, which seemed… — Alison Bechdel Copy Share Image
Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
Well, it may be humorous to you, but it’s a very serious matter to the squirrels. — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
When I drink alcohol...everyone says I'm alcoholic but When I drink Fanta...no one says I'm fantastic... — Gouravchauhan777 Copy Share Image
