Will Self

So I was smacked up on the Prime Minister's jet – big deal.

— Will Self

Why is Mr Universe always from Earth?

— Will Self

“In death there are smaller premises, littler ironies.”

— Will Self

Vaughn's vision is older, wiser and harder than Ritchie's.

— Will Self

Always carry a notebook. And I mean always.

— Will Self

A party full of 'likeable' people doesn't bear contemplating.

— Will Self

Don’t look back until you’ve written an entire draft...

— Will Self

Drug use and procrastination often go hand in tourniquet.

— Will Self

“An English gentleman never shines his shoes, but then nor does a lazy bastard.”

— Will Self

As a writer, I'm not convinced that we are the best equipped to understand how we go about the business of literary…

— Will Self

I write because I feel driven to write. I write from a sense of inner necessity. I don't write for anything other…

— Will Self

“Morning came, and a grey wash of light found Dan, his cheek thrust hard in the carpeted right-angle of the bottom stair”

— Will Self

“Oh, the future--it's always so fucking dated. For you, for me, for all of us. If only there were some way out…

— Will Self

“A funny yet interesting read, Will Self knowa his stuff and must do a lot of deep research.”

— Will Self

The fictional work is a kind of actor that wears a satirical garb but can put on other costumes as well.

— Will Self

As a bookish adolescent, I sopped up texts as if I were blotting paper and they were fluid.

— Will Self

“Well, it's like this," began Mother, "When you die you go and live in another part of London. And that's it." ~…

— Will Self

So heedless have we become of our own image that second-hand mobile phones now invariably come with a SIM card chock-full of…

— Will Self

I used to find myself goofed out in the street on drugs. And I had such a bad problem with addiction at…

— Will Self

I always wanted to write fiction. Always. As far back as I can remember it's been integral to my sense of myself…

— Will Self

“We've been watching your kind, noting it all down, putting it in our order pads while you snort in your trough. It…

— Will Self

I'm going to end up like one of those old weirdos who lives in a network of tunnels burrowed through trash -…

— Will Self

I think it's a misreading of Dostoevsky to think of him as a programmatic theist. He's actually much closer to someone like…

— Will Self

As for critical writing about modernism, its moments of lucidity are but fulgurations illuminating the dark and incomprehensible landscape of its subject's…

— Will Self

Sometimes, when I hear people without experience of addiction blame addicts for their behaviour, I feel like saying to them: 'You simply…

— Will Self

When anyone starts out to do something creative - especially if it seems a little unusual - they seek approval, often from…

— Will Self

From time to time, as if heaven-sent to annoy, someone will ask me if I'm self-disciplined when it comes to my work.…

— Will Self

“I explained to him - as I withdrew the cup, ripped open the sachet and dunked the tea bag - that tea…

— Will Self

In truth, even if they have an imperfect insight into their own methods, I still slightly mistrust writers of fiction who are…

— Will Self

For myself, I haven't been content to carry on producing books that merely strain against the conventions - as I've grown older,…

— Will Self

In survey after survey, people report that the greatest dangers they face are, in this order: terrorist attack, plane crashes and nuclear…

— Will Self

The whole aesthetics of computers very much feeds into my OCD. They fill my head with obsessionalities and my actions become very…

— Will Self

“And she withdraws through the double, ceiling-high doors, which are really the only original feature left in this heavily converted apartment. And…

— Will Self

“She began to take exercise far too late, embarking on tiny cycling tours to music festivals, or flower shows, or doing the…

— Will Self

“The first touch came when Bull was lying full-length along the skirting board in the little six-foot vestibule that connected the bathroom…

— Will Self

“I’ve taken to long-distance walking as a means of dissolving the mechanised matrix which compresses the space-time continuum, and decouples human from…

— Will Self

“But if this biography suggests a varied and sympathetic apprehension of the world, it was with a far darker palette that Céline…

— Will Self

“A final word. Curious. Many years of reading many books has led me to a somewhat bizarre literary critical theory, namely that…

— Will Self

“As my voice died away I became conscious of the voice of another woman two tables away. I couldn't hear what she…

— Will Self

“It’s like that, isn’t it? Just as Raymond Chandler says, ‘The first kiss is dynamite, the second is routine and then you…

— Will Self