I'm sure that being sober all these years accounts for my ill humor. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
“He was, out of all sight (as I remember him), the nicest boy that ever spun a top or broke a window.” — Wilkie Collins Copy Share Image
“I love food. I love soda. I love watching movies and reading books. I love these things a little to much. I… — Sarah Willey Copy Share Image
Sometimes in the most tragic situation, something just profoundly funny happens. — David Hyde Pierce Copy Share Image
“I was looking for an excuse to slap my handcuffs on you and haul your ass back to my place.” — Allan Krummenacker Copy Share Image
Girlfriends are like credit cards, you can't get one unless you already have one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
Me and my comedy writer friends talk a lot about how we love 'Die Hard,' but we'll never be able to write… — Paul Rust Copy Share Image
“And I like his conceit. He's so conceited he's actually humble, the crazy bastard.” — J.D. Salinger Copy Share Image
“If we can expect another journey tomorrow, we should secure horses," Ferrin went on. "And if the sun will be shining, perhaps… — Brandon Mull Copy Share Image
Humor is a blessing to me. My earliest recollections are of looking at something and seeing the lighter side. But it's always… — Roy Clark Copy Share Image
“Who would I kill?” I asked, sitting up from him, wiping my face. “Who?” “Yeah, I mean, is it random, or do… — A.M. Hudson Copy Share Image
“After a dream like that, you're grateful that it was just a dream, that no matter how bad your actual life, it… — Brock Clarke Copy Share Image
“Dexter the Magnificent, who doth bestride the world like a Colossus, many lovely corpses at his feet, brought to you in live… — Jeff Lindsay Copy Share Image
“If you're trying to disguise yourself to fool an approaching enemy, then try impersonating a nutsack. Just puff out your cheeks and… — Robert Hamburger Copy Share Image
As I understand from the real military personnel who I've had the opportunity to speak to over the last few years, humor… — Daniela Ruah Copy Share Image
What I find funny are peoples' blind spots. That's the funniest thing about anybody - when they just don't realize who they… — Sam Richardson Copy Share Image
“A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.” — Pawan Mishra Copy Share Image
