Humor Quotes · Page 226

I'm a comedy snob, and I never want anything that I do to get old.

— Derek Waters

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

— Bo Burnham

I find the humor in life, and laugh easily

— Doreen Virtue

“Wilt u een gorilla of een onzichtbare?”

— Deon Meyer

“No Marriage Is Perfect. But every relationship has value!”

— Rashika Roberts

“Have you lost your mind?" "No. It got scared and ran away.”

— Karen Chance

“Too much ATTITUDE kills your TALENT…!!”

— Dhruv

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

— Jerry Coleman

I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.

— Mitch Hedberg

Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile...

— Anonymous

“No team is complete without a good technician, and the word for an incomplete team is usually "fatality.”

— Mira Grant

“So you have a choice. You can leave quietly or I can call the police after I wang you with my stapler.”

— Nicole Hamlett

“So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it…

— Neil Leckman

If men are from mars-- women are from Marsh- The Marshmallow-- Sees they wallow --gulped-- Cupid strikes--on the dykes !!!!!

— Rajendra Kumar

A humorous quotation is a little window on the world that gives life a comic twist.

— Gyles Brandreth

I still have a desire to do some sketch comedy. My dream is to be on 'SNL,' to host 'SNL.'

— Selenis Leyva

We're all comedy fans in my family. My parents mainly wouldn't let me watch stuff that was either annoying to them, or…

— Tina Fey

“Birdwatching, at first glance, seems like a pursuit designed specifically for people who find stamp collecting too stimulating. But oh, how wrong…

— Natalie Kyriacou

“As she led them out onto the mud, Dovepaw glanced back to see Thornclaw pull a long stick out from under the…

— Erin Hunter

“Around eighth grade Margot started getting really sensitive about her weight, even though she wasn’t remotely fat—just a little round-faced. So Margot…

— Isobel Irons

One second here and there will make all the difference between something being funny and not being funny. That's why I like…

— Jonathan Krisel

“Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back…

— Rick Riordan

“They always loved my sense of humor. There used to be a light switch inside one of the nurseries that was a…

— Chase Brooks

“The problem, he thought, was that so much humour involved misfortune of one sort or another, and now that same human misfortune…

— Alexander McCall Smith

A cunning linguist puts his money where his mouth is.

— Rock Cowles

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

— Tommy Lee

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

— Anonymous

My only rule about a joke is that it should be funny.

— Ann Coulter

Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny.

— Adam McKay

I prefer improvising, rather than creating comedy out of thin air.

— Johnny Lever

Coming up with comedy is hard, man. Those bits aren't easy to think of!

— Craig Robinson

“A sense of humor is not required...but it sure comes in handy.”

— Margaret Tutor

What do you call a computer that can sing? A dell.

— Anonymous

“I love the wheels, I mean steering wheel.”

— Amit Kalantri

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

— Tom Lehrer

Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation,

— Ritu Ghatourey

“Honesty: what a refreshing slap in the face it is.”

— Timothy M. Brenner

I was always pretty funny with my friends.

— Kenan Thompson

“No more hanky-panky or you get more evil.”

— michelle rowen

“I only know everything if you ask the right questions.”

— Doc Coleman