Humor Quotes · Page 211

“He’s in a side room alone with her and it’s far too fucking hot.”

— Carla H Krueger

“Costis, I am speechless!" "Not noticeably, Your Majesty.”

— Megan Whalen Turner

Parents: Why are you awake so early? Me: Who said I went to sleep?

— Anonymous

“Jokes are many things. 'Funny' is only one of them.”

— Melinda Chapman

I would like to work in both comedy and drama.

— Daniela Bobadilla

The most successful people in comedy do seem to be the most funny.

— Alex Horne

The nations best kept secret is your true age. :D

— Megz

However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.

— Craig Kilborn

“They take them from the plants and animals or the elements. Still Waters, Gentle Breeze, pah. Why not Dead Deer, or Rutting…

— Elizabeth Vaughan

My background is part of my comedy. Your experiences are where the jokes come from.

— Charlie Murphy

“Even though I was fairly certain God wasn't Ted Bundy, I kept an open mind, since this phone call was getting a…

— Scott Buckel

Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in…

— Jim Gaffigan

Maybe 10 times a year I'll do a corporate date, but no casinos or no nightclubs or no comedy clubs.

— Gabe Kaplan

That awkward moment when, you go to sleep with clothes on...and wake up with all of them off..O.o

— Darkstorm116

I just clicked on a YouTube recommendation because there were giant t*ts in the thumbnail. You win this round, Internet.

— Kevin Pereira

I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.

— P. J. O'Rourke

“How many of us are there?” he demanded in a less than amused tone. “Legions, surely, don’t you think it must be…

— Krisi Keley

I am really happy that even though I am stuck in the comedy genre I have not been typecast. I am still…

— Neha Pendse

The idea that Bill Gates (one of the founders of Microsoft) has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all…

— Douglas Adams

You say I'm a bi**h? Well a bi**h is a dog, and dogs bark, and bark is on trees, and trees are…

— Anonymous

“And someone, somewhere, was having an even worse time of it than me. I tried to keep that in mind. No matter…

— Lish McBride

“Why are you talking? Who gave you permission to talk?’ Vaughn demanded. ‘In circumstances like this, we close ranks. Never complain, never…

— Sarra Manning

“All of the people took it up and sung it over and over until it was wrung dry, and no further innovations…

— Zora Neale Hurston

“Had there been a lunatic asylum in the suburbs of Jerusalem, Jesus Christ would infallibly have been shut up in it at…

— Havelock Ellis

I come from a very big family... nine parents.

— Jim Gaffigan

Though the clown is often deadpan, he is a connoisseur of laughter.

— Mel Gussow

“Just. Plain. [Fu*king.] Grilled. Swordfish.”

— Howard Schultz

“Rule number one when cooking: never believe the recipe.”

— Anissa Rafeh

Do what you do best, and outsource the rest.

— Peter Drucker

“With great power comes great dissipation.”

— Timothy Poston

I don't force humor into a film, it comes naturally to me.

— Priyadarshan

“I recommend you don't attend the wheat and chaff bonfire.”

— M.J. McGuire

For me, comedy is boys. It's my Tinder.

— Chloe Fineman

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.

— Edward Albee

“Europe needs a boundary like a fish needs a bicycle.”

— Yanko Tsvetkov

Everytime you find some humour ina difficult situation you win.

— Ritu Ghatourey

I was a huge fan of comedy in high school.

— Adam McKay

“You can't change the cards you are dealt unless you stack the deck.”

— Terry Blakeman

“Half is better than none unless it be of a wit.”

— Susan Lendroth

Be wary of the horse with a sense of humor.

— Pam Brown