Humor Quotes · Page 184

May not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.

— Anonymous

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.

— Bill Bailey

When someone compliments my hair: 'Thanks! I grew it myself.'

— Anonymous

What i value more than all things, good humor.

— Thomas Jefferson

“Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born.”

— Dakota Dawn

“I never met a man I didn't like. I don't go out much.”

— Harlan Ellison

“No, Miss Palmer. What is bizarre is that I currently have a vagina .”

— Karen Chance

You can't always go to the well and have things be funny.

— Richard Ford

“Colby better not bring me home Bambi, or I just might want to divorce him”

— Jody Morse

I was called for 'The Great Indian Laughter Challenge,' but I turned it down because I wasn't sure of its quality.

— Johnny Lever

I'm a comic and I'm having way too much fun with the comedy. I do the music for myself.

— Eddie Griffin

I think in order to understand what works dramatically, you have to have a sense of humor.

— Ayo Edebiri

All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have…

— Nikki Glaser

Ann and I will carry out this equivocal message to the world: Markets must be open.

— George W. Bush

Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy. To be alive means to have a sense of humor.

— Rajneesh

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

— Bill Cosby

“Sir Eustace was with Royce and Stefan looking over some maps when he was informed by the guard that the ladies were…

— Judith McNaught

“All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, and when it comes to the…

— Marisha Pessl

“Your lifeline…oh, the burning stick. Right.” Leo resisted the urge to set his hand ablaze and yell: Bwah ha ha! The idea…

— Rick Riordan

I've a belt that I have worn for every single stand-up comedy session since I was 19. I fear if I ever…

— Vir Das

You cannot study Pleasure in the moment of the nuptial embrace, nor repentance while repenting, nor analyze the nature of humour while…

— C. S. Lewis

“You're getting better, my lady." "Don't patronize me." "No, really, Your Highness. When you started painting five years ago, I could never…

— Brandon Sanderson

“After consciously enduring a twelve-inch knitting needle navigated into the unseen recesses of my pelvis and almost passing out at the sensation…

— Daniel Stern

I would love to do a comedy, but comedy probably in the sense of a dark comedy like 'Californication,' that sort of…

— Jason Wiles

“Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles”

— Rowena Cherry

“She's…having an affair with a strawberry jam manufacturer?”

— Holly Smale

Your audience teaches you how to be funny.

— Woody Allen

“And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”

— Anonymous

“An ass is an ass, no matter how many first names you give it.”

— Uncle Jessie The Joy of Life

Having a sense of humor about yourself is a sign of mental health.

— Jedediah Bila

A friendly reminder that the world supposedly ends in two months.

— Anonymous

“Salander in love. What a fucking joke.”

— Stieg Larsson

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I've been single so long that if I hug a brother, he'll get pregnant!”

— Tranea Prosser

“Stay away from that guy. He looks like a career criminal.”

— Holly Hood

“A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE HOUSE...AND THE SENATE.”

— Kristin Hannah

“Robert? You wake me up and you charge me for it?”

— Dan Brown

“With each replacement of parts, a car slowly becomes Chinese.”

— Mr. Kuniyasu

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.

— James Thurber

If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must first break your mirror

— Francois Rabelais