Humor Quotes · Page 139

“You may be gifted, but you have the maturity of 5 year olds.”

— Paula Pearce

I always thought air was free... But then I brought a bag of chips.

— Anonymous

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

— Douglas Adams

In comedy, my strengths are improvisation.

— Kevin Hart

“Beware, O wanderer, the road is walking too." - Jim Harrison”

— Rod Drought

“I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true.”

— Katharine Hepburn

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

— Mark Twain

“I’d rather be known as a freak than a science project.”

— B. Mauritz

“Striking up conversations with strangers is something like extreme sports for autistic people.”

— Kamran Nazeer

Old people have fewer diseases than the young, but their diseases never leave them.

— Hippocrates

“Always be a student and keep learning, don't think you know too much and be humble.”

— Dr. Poison King

Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.

— Sandra Bullock

“Come on, it is a guest bedroom! If you want your guests to feel at home, they should be allowed to do…

— Daniele Lanzarotta

Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything praiseworthy in human life.

— Joseph Addison

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And she said, I don't think this was…

— Garry Shandling

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself.

— George W. Bush

I knew I wanted to be in comedy but the path of least resistance was doing stand-up in folk music clubs where…

— Steve Martin

“Real quick, African Booty Scratcher is probably the most specific and regional insult ever. As if Europeans, Americans, and Asians don’t scratch…

— Gabourey Sidibe

“I just told them that dear Uncle Silas has gone away on a long journey," she said. "They're such mites, you know,…

— Georgette Heyer

It's much easier for me to do an impression of someone real, because you and the audience begin with a baseline understanding…

— Kate McKinnon

“I’ll meet you tomorrow morning at ten in your office, and explain everything. In the meantime, go home and get some sleep.”…

— Christina Henry

“The cushions of my friend's couch were some kind of rubberized velour, the windows were uncurtained, and at five a.m. the birds…

— Garth Risk Hallberg

I would say I've actually done a lot more comedy than I've done drama. It's weird the way that worked out, because…

— James Roday

“McG: 11:39 PM: Tease. A: Bushy prehistoric looking veggies frighten me. Lilliana: 11:41 PM: WTH are we talking about here? McG: 11:42…

— Ella Dominguez

“Laughter is good for both the body and the soul.”

— Mike Meyer

I got everybody on my side through comedy.

— Ruth Buzzi

I don't devalue comedy as compared to drama. Not one bit.

— Ben Stiller

Womens humor is part of the revolution.

— Dale Spender

If I like it, I say it's mine. If I don't I say it's a fake.

— Pablo Picasso

Be wary of the horse with a sense of humor.

— Pam Brown

“Half is better than none unless it be of a wit.”

— Susan Lendroth

“Hand off my ass or I'll rip off your balls.”

— Katie McGarry

“Everything's temporary...until it's not.”

— Renata Suerth

“Europe needs a boundary like a fish needs a bicycle.”

— Yanko Tsvetkov

Everytime you find some humour ina difficult situation you win.

— Ritu Ghatourey

“You can't change the cards you are dealt unless you stack the deck.”

— Terry Blakeman

I was a huge fan of comedy in high school.

— Adam McKay

Though the clown is often deadpan, he is a connoisseur of laughter.

— Mel Gussow

I come from a very big family... nine parents.

— Jim Gaffigan

“Just. Plain. [Fu*king.] Grilled. Swordfish.”

— Howard Schultz