It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside. — Garry Shandling Hair Copy Share Image
They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right. — Garry Shandling Beauty Copy Share Image
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell — Garry Shandling Good life Copy Share Image
I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present. — Garry Shandling Actor Copy Share Image
Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name? — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard… — Garry Shandling Comedy Copy Share Image
Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might… — Garry Shandling Commitment Copy Share Image
It takes me so long to get tired of a man. It's women that are the problem. Don't get me wrong. I… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I don''t like this reality television, I have to be honest;I think real people should not be on television; It''s for special… — Garry Shandling Being honest Copy Share Image
But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I once saw an elaborate landscape in a gallery, drawn in pencil, that took my breath away. Then I realized the artist… — Garry Shandling Art Copy Share Image
I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from… — Garry Shandling Brain Copy Share Image
Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships,… — Garry Shandling Movie Copy Share Image
I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire,… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
'The Larry Sanders Show,' it's actually about love, which would sound like a paradox at first. But if that love didn't exist,… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks… — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!" — Garry Shandling Dog Copy Share Image
Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over. — Garry Shandling Dating Copy Share Image
I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me. — Garry Shandling Friends Copy Share Image
Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?" — Garry Shandling Buddha Copy Share Image
Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
When I don't have a good time, it's usually because there's a stiffness that stifles creativity. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
