In the military they said when in doubt on a test always pick 'C' I wonder if it stands for Confused. — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
“If you touch someone's skin and you find it soft, well guess what ; the snake has soft skin too.” — Nasser El Assaad Copy Share Image
“High heels, I'm convinced, are a creation of the Void and intended only to torture my poor unfortunate soles.” — Sara Ella Copy Share Image
“Imagination is evidence of the divine, and the divine is the imagination of evidence.” — Erik Banks Copy Share Image
It's rare that you discover something by accident that resonates with your sense of humour. — Richard Herring Copy Share Image
“God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh. VOLTAIRE” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The roof was torn off the gym. God's way of telling the jocks that they'd better remember who's really charge.” — Dana Reinhardt Copy Share Image
Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I wanted people to know that my grandmother was the reason why I did comedy in the first place. She pushed me… — Jermaine Fowler Copy Share Image
It is time to set aside the old partisan bickering and finger-pointing and name-calling that comes from freeing parents to make different… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“Shhh, it's okay Cait, Daddy will be back. I am going to take care of you, just like Uncle Drake takes care… — Brei Betzold Copy Share Image
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
“Let's worry like mad. Shall we start on a worldwide basis and work down to ourselves, or start with ourselves and spread?"… — Pamela Branch Copy Share Image
Comedy is an indoors thing, so I take every opportunity to go outside. A lot of that involves finding places that are… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
During the day, I was a doctor. At night, you know, I was a comic. And it was really just to let… — Ken Jeong Copy Share Image
I've always thought that comedy was just another dramatic expression. — Harold Ramis Copy Share Image
“My turner Mah'Lor is with me forever as well. At least his head is.” — Daven Anderson Copy Share Image
That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim? — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me. — Alice Roosevelt Longworth Copy Share Image
