Humor Quotes · Page 103

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

— Bo Burnham

“To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult.”

— Santosh Kalwar

“It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate.”

— Andrea Hurst

I've done comedy on stage, in fact it is one of my strong points.

— Neeraj Kabi

“I'm very much afraid I didn't mean anything but nonsense.”

— Lewis Carroll

Comedy is the last refuge of the non-comformist mind.

— Gilbert Seldes

Have a sense of humor to break the tension in times of great toil.

— Colin Powell

By my rambling digressions I perceive myself to be growing old.

— Benjamin Franklin

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”

— Terry Pratchett

“...true success and prosperity comes when you are right where God wants you to be, doing what He wants you to do.”

— Melanie Shankle

There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs to be townhall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is…

— George W. Bush

In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.

— Gordon B. Hinckley

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will…

— Woody Allen

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

— Bo Burnham

“To do is to be – Aristotle To be or not to be – Shakespeare To be is to do – Jean-Paul…

— Alannah Foley

The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else.

— Andy Dick

“Give up the human, and I’ll call them off,” Reseph called out. “Fuck you.” “Incest, brother?” He shrugged. “Well, hell, I’ve tried…

— Larissa Ione

Especially with comedy, you take massive risks because ultimately you're trying to be funny. If you're not funny, then it's really embarrassing…

— Dominic Cooper

“It was hard to decide on a literature course. Everything the professors said seemed to be somehow beside the point. You wanted…

— Elif Batuman

“Beware Stephen! There will probably be a magical combat of some sort. I daresay I shall have to take on different forms…

— Susanna Clarke

“Levei meu aparelho digestivo para a assistência técnica, lá me disseram que a validade já venceu, eu então apelei pro tráfico de…

— Filipe Russo

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He…

— Fred Allen

Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers…

— Andy Richter

“When did you first feel like a grown woman and not a girl?” We wrote down our answers and shared them, first…

— Tina Fey

Doing a format parody is one of my favorite things to do in comedy.

— Adam Conover

Finding a cure for anorexia should be a piece of cake.

— Charles Elba

The first prerequisite of an advanced being is a sense of humor.

— Richard Bach

Оf course you can only write comedy when you're smoking weed.

— Scott Aukerman

If women were created from ribs then why do they taste like fish?

— Rock Cowles

“In sooth, thy life sounds passing strange and shitty.”

— Austin Grossman

“He who smiles in a crisis; has fund someone to blame.”

— Anonymous

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.”

— Will Rogers

Oh, well, my first love is comedy or singing and dancing.

— Dick Van Dyke

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

— Jerry Seinfeld

“Time,” said Arthur weakly, “is not currently one of my problems.”

— Douglas Adams

Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.

— Jerry Coleman

“The great thing about knowing stuff is that anyone can do it.”

— Ken Jennings

“No. Don't distract me with your sexy talk.”

— Rachel Hawkins

Humor is the only way to tell a story. Especially the dark ones.

— Lisa Lutz

“Crud. What was she supposed to do? Protect herself or the pretzels?”

— Stephanie Rowe