I make commercials and funny videos and T.V. shows or whatever, film projects that people will watch for ten minutes and go… — Gavin McInnes Copy Share Image
She's got a great looking husband, a little boy and all the money in the world. She hasn't got the looks, but… — Jordan Copy Share Image
All the women in 'Coronation Street' and 'Brookside,' they are all so funny. A lot of women bore me, but I love… — June Brown Copy Share Image
Rally points scoring is twenty for the fastest, eighteen for the second fastest, right down to six points for the slowest fastest. — Murray Walker Copy Share Image
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Leo and she's a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Will Ferrell is probably the funniest comic actor, certainly of my generation. I am a huge, huge Will Ferrell fan. I'm not… — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
“As of this moment,' Sadie growled, 'my brother's name is Punching Bag. Seems he hasn't been telling me everything.” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a $hitload of money. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have him retired on a double allowance. — William Osler Copy Share Image
This is my friend(: His name is Hunter(: haha,He got asked a question on ask.fm so he did that(: Haha,If he found… — Hunter And Jasmine Copy Share Image
If you assume you haven't learned anything yet, there's no reason your playing can't stay dynamic all your life. — Jerry Garcia Copy Share Image
You know why the US can't find Osama Bin Laden? They're using the wrong agency to look for him. Don't send the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“So what's the plan?” Ben asked. “Go inside. Look around. Improvise.” “Brilliant." Hi stroked his chin. “Quick question: Is having no plan… — Kathy Reichs Copy Share Image
The tactician knows what to do when there is something to do; whereas the strategian knows what to do when there is… — Gerald Abrahams Copy Share Image
I don't understand people who say they need more Me Time. What other time is there? Do these people spend part of… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Don't be beautiful They keep saying that beautiful is something a girl needs to be. But honestly? Just forget that. Don't be… — Nikita Gill Copy Share Image
Life is like a pregnancy. You gotta push through all the struggle and fight to get the reward you've been waiting for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What the dev— er, deuce did you do that for? It hurt!” “Good,” said the angel. “I was afraid these new shoes… — Anne Gracie Copy Share Image
“I've got a sense of self-preservation. OK, granted , it's still in the original shrink wrap but I've got one if I… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
“Apropos of Eskimo, I once heard a missionary describe the extraordinary difficulty he had found in translating the Bible into Eskimo. It… — Frederick Hamilton Copy Share Image
In recent years, perhaps encouraged by competition from McDonald's, the British hamburger has become a credit to the nation. At the time… — Clive James Copy Share Image
Writing humor for me is more like a watchful-ness. You have to watch. When you say something funny, or someone else does,… — Ian Frazier Copy Share Image
Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“I tried to kill you,' she reminds me. 'You've described pretty much every important relationship in my life,' I return.” — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“Is he about to kiss me? Did he eat garlic too or was I the only one? 'Cause if Ric didn't eat… — Zathyn Priest Copy Share Image
Well, you know, I feel like it's about a lot of things. The reason that I made it was because I thought… — Danny DeVito Copy Share Image
Life should come with a remote. There are so many moments I'd give up my life for to pause, fast-forward, and rewind. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My strips are not always funny, and they can be pretty grim at times, and I know I lose readers because of… — Lynda Barry Copy Share Image
We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
The modelling was fun but I don't see it the same as music, because with modelling, I was just kind of lucky,… — Erica Packer Copy Share Image
David Lynch and I almost made a movie together in the late '80s. We had lots of dinners and lunches. He's a… — Martin Short Copy Share Image
I never liked apples. In fact, when I was a little girl, my mom wanted to give me apples in my lunch… — Lana Parrilla Copy Share Image
“Myrtle goggled at them. "You're alive," she said blankly to Harry. "There's no need to sound so disappointed," he said grimly... "Oh,… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and… — Busy Philipps Copy Share Image
When I first envisioned 'Funny Games' in the mid-1990s, it was my intention to have an American audience watch the movie. It… — Michael Haneke Copy Share Image
I've been making movies my whole life pretty much since I was 10 or 12, with my dad's movie camera that he… — John Wilson Copy Share Image
Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit… — Rich Vos Copy Share Image
