I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Those who love the Gospel will love to be stirred by its truth all over again. — Alistair Begg Copy Share Image
When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask: Are you sleeping? No. I'm training to die — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
Those funny memories that you randomly remember, and you can't stop smiling. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I suppose if we couldnt laugh at things that dont make sense, we couldnt react to a lot of life. — Calvin & Hobbes Copy Share Image
“I'm a whore!" Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall … And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch …… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We British say "to put the world to rights." I've discovered that that's not the way Americans say it and people scratch… — N. T. Wright Copy Share Image
It's funny how you're nice to my face.It's hilarious how you talk shit behind my back and it's downright comical that you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. “You’re a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering… — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
“What does a freelance researcher do?” “Researches things.” He winks at me and helps lift my bike onto a cobblestone walkway. “It’s… — Caroline George Copy Share Image
Go ahead sub tweet about this You sit behind a computer Ill fucking dismiss You think your an author But your just… — Princesss Copy Share Image
The great thing about writing jokes for President Obama is that he is not afraid to tell jokes that are actually funny… — Jon Lovett Copy Share Image
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I did a character called Captain Q for Nestle's Quik. Those commercials were kind of funny. — Adam West Copy Share Image
I came from a blue-collar family where we busted each other's chops and found the funny in tragedies. — Jim Breuer Copy Share Image
Once comics become your life, you have to make decisions on what you spend your time on. — Faith Erin Hicks Copy Share Image
If life's not funny, then it's just true - and that would be unacceptable. — Billie Lourd Copy Share Image
I don't have kids, but I do understand family, and I understand how precious family is. — Lindsey Graham Copy Share Image
“I’m now ‘Doctor’ to the patients and I have to cover my ignorance by waving my arms and looking grave.” — Howard Florey Copy Share Image
I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny. — Ryan Stiles Copy Share Image
What about putting Christ back into Christmas? It is simply not necessary. Christ has never left Christmas. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
I live in Jesus, on Jesus, with Jesus, and soon hope to be perfectly conformed to His likeness. — Charles Spurgeon Copy Share Image
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People think taking advantage of someone is a funny thing to do these days. Well, it's not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Awareness isn’t something we own; awareness isn’t something we possess. Awareness is actually what we are. — Adyashanti Copy Share Image
“Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake." Ash said "funny how that happens sometimes...” — L.J. Smith Copy Share Image
“A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
I never saw myself as a comedian. I saw myself as a guy who can act funny. — Charlie Day Copy Share Image
I'm really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
What we know about God is important, but what we do with what we know about God is even more important. — Richard Rohr Copy Share Image
LIKE IF : Stalking all the girls he talks to on Facebook, so you cansee if they're prettier than you.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
