With all the things that you could be, you never could learn how to be me. — Lisa Loeb Copy Share Image
You can create many lies from Truth, but you cannot create any truths from lies. — Suzy Kassem Copy Share Image
It's funny if someone post something in their wall with nonsense just to catch up the attention of others. — Mitch Alapan Copy Share Image
Let's all admit we all pick the Dorito that looks like it has the most flavor on it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Friendship Day is the perfect time to not reflect on the friends I've methodically erased from my life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are like a computer virus... they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer your money, edit your mind, download their problems,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Kevin Hart. He's the man! I like his style. He's short, so I can relate. All the stories he tells are real.… — Cameron Boyce Copy Share Image
Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed!” — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
What we get, and all we ever get, from the outside is information; how we choose to act on this information is… — William Glasser Copy Share Image
I read that John Hughes script for 'Mr. Mom,' and I thought, 'This guy is a funny writer.' I went: 'You ought… — Michael Keaton Copy Share Image
All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're… — Rich Vos Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
You can never go too far wrong by thinking like a customer who’s new to the business. — Richard Branson Copy Share Image
I have not got accustomed to English life. The food is truly disastrous and it rains all the time. — Patrice Evra Copy Share Image
Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I dont know. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
“Before you eat the elephant, make sure you know what parts you want to eat.” — Todd Stocker Copy Share Image
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny. — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
I was a drummer in the bugle band in cadets. I marched. It's probably quite funny to look back on it. — Gordon Lightfoot Copy Share Image
You always regret setting ur phone on 'silent ' once you have misplaced it! — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
It is now firmly established that ontogeny does not repeat phylogeny — George Gaylord Simpson Copy Share Image
The last business of Christ's life was the saving of a poor penitent thief. — Dwight L. Moody Copy Share Image
Its funny when you always talk a lot about studying , but always ending up cheating ! the heck. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Anybody that's really close to me, they know I'm really funny and I love to joke. I can laugh at anything. — Nav Copy Share Image
In programming, it’s often the buts in the specification that kill you. — Boris Beizer Copy Share Image
The racing that we've got in our industry right now is the best racing in the worldperiod. — Chad Knaus Copy Share Image
Every choice you make supersedes and overrides every other choice you make. — Iyanla Vanzant Copy Share Image
“Now go to sleep. I'll wake you up when I want you." "Should I just sleep with my legs spread or what?” — Dominique Frost Copy Share Image
Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here! — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
