The crazy thing is, I never knew that a wiener could actually make me nauseous. — Jessica Simpson Copy Share Image
People don't come into your life by accident. Everyone that crosses your path serves a purpose — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Life only works when Jesus is everything and we are fully submitted to Him. — Louie Giglio Copy Share Image
Men are pigs; their every actions and thoughts is dictated by their penis. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wanna hear a joke about your girlfriend's p*ssy? Nevermind, you'll never get it... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Larry Silverstein has betrayed the public's trust and that of all New Yorkers. — George Pataki Copy Share Image
I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It… — Elton John Copy Share Image
“In the afternoon the ship's company assembled aft, on deck, under the awnings; the flute, the asthmatic meodeon, and the consumptive clarinet… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“he’s too damn tall. I’d have to sit in his lap or get a step stool to kiss him anywhere near his… — Jennifer James Copy Share Image
No matter what the situation is - even if it's something that's not overly funny - people in Derry can always find… — Jamie-Lee O'Donnell Copy Share Image
“My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I'm going to die. But the good kind of heart… — Maria Semple Copy Share Image
I was seized by the stern hand of Compulsion, that dark, unreasonable Urge that impels women to clean house in the middle… — James Thurber Copy Share Image
Back when Sammy Davis, Jr. and Dean Martin were doing roasts, they were all friends. They knew each other's children, each other's… — Charlie Murphy Copy Share Image
I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice,… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
Friendship is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others. — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves this session. — Gib Lewis Copy Share Image
We may explain success mainly by one word and that word is WORK! WORK!! WORK!!! WORK!!!! — Frederick Douglass Copy Share Image
A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late. — Frank Sinatra Copy Share Image
When you lay down your life for what you are after you've died, you're clean. — John de Ruiter Copy Share Image
Men and animals regard each other across a gulf of mutual incomprehension. — W. G. Sebald Copy Share Image
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
“What’s with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.” “I suspect I am a hooligan.” — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist. — Anton Chekhov Copy Share Image
Good morning guys haha I just got up lol what time is it were you guys live? Here it's 10:30 lol — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend took a pregnancy test today, and my worst fears have been realized.. she's just fat.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You will never realize how wired your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you dont do it, youll never know what would have happened if you had done it — Ashleigh Brilliant Copy Share Image
“Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Need a friend? text me.. need a love? call me.. need money? this number is not longer in service (LOL) — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Getting an upset tummy is never pleasant, and it's worse if you get a funny tummy a long way from home. — Vera Lynn Copy Share Image
The Russians could have some (warheads) aimed at Japan, so if we act up they can destroy our economy. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
