Roseanne Barr

Truth is available to the ears that can hear it.

— Roseanne Barr

I'm God because I have the power to control my mind.

— Roseanne Barr

I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.

— Roseanne Barr

Don't call people names you dirty name caller you.

— Roseanne Barr

Excuse the mess but we live here.

— Roseanne Barr

I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.

— Roseanne Barr

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

— Roseanne Barr

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

— Roseanne Barr

I believe in equal rights for all citizens. One law for all.

— Roseanne Barr

I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.

— Roseanne Barr

I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200.

— Roseanne Barr

It's okay to be fat. so your're fat. just be fat and shut up about it

— Roseanne Barr

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

— Roseanne Barr

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

— Roseanne Barr

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

— Roseanne Barr

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

— Roseanne Barr

I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D.…

— Roseanne Barr

You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and…

— Roseanne Barr

I hate alcoholics and AA (alcoholics anonymous). If you can't drink responsibly, don't drink at all. Don't go to meetings, whine about…

— Roseanne Barr

I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you…

— Roseanne Barr

You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something…

— Roseanne Barr

“As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done…

— Roseanne Barr

The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really…

— Roseanne Barr

I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have…

— Roseanne Barr

Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender…

— Roseanne Barr

I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared…

— Roseanne Barr

Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper,…

— Roseanne Barr

I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right…

— Roseanne Barr

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to…

— Roseanne Barr

Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to…

— Roseanne Barr

Everyone in America (according to my generalizations) is a potential millionaire waiting for his or her big break. I was astonished lately…

— Roseanne Barr

Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never…

— Roseanne Barr

Those who can't do, teach. And, as Woody Allen says, those who can't teach, teach gym. And, as I say, those who…

— Roseanne Barr

“This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared…

— Roseanne Barr

Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.

— Roseanne Barr

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.

— Roseanne Barr

Being nuts is its own reward.

— Roseanne Barr

It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.

— Roseanne Barr

Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.

— Roseanne Barr

We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.

— Roseanne Barr