I haven't done Vine in a long time, and when I first started, I just did stuff that I thought was funny. — Maisie Williams Copy Share Image
I'm usually always very happy and funny and positive. It's only when I'm tired that I get a little low energy. — Nargis Fakhri Copy Share Image
Every father thinks that his son is an idiot, but only my dad is right. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The field of consciousness is tiny. It accepts only one problem at a time. — Antoine de Saint-Exupery Copy Share Image
That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“Let’s go to that Jamaican place around the corner from you.” “Cluck You Chicken? Are you serious? The health department probably uses… — Mary Ann Rivers Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
“I spread my fingers to peek through them, and I see that Wesley's face is as red as mine. He's looking down… — Cassie Mae Copy Share Image
It is a funny thing to step on stage and wear beautiful clothing and lots of makeup and stand in front of… — Laufey Copy Share Image
Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“GOD. Sometimes I think there might be a god out there, and that every once in a while he tunes in to… — Suzanne Morrison Copy Share Image
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it. — John Vercetti Copy Share Image
I am occasionally loveable but for the most part I’m like loving a raincloud. — Sara Quin Copy Share Image
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Dear guys , if she doesn't leave your hand after seeing a 'zara outlet' marry her she is the one .!!! — Tufail Mehraj Copy Share Image
Is it man that possesses love, or is it not much rather love that possesses man? — Ludwig Feuerbach Copy Share Image
“He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.” — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
I hate when a shower only has 2 options. 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica. — Xuan Ta Copy Share Image
It is not possible to make a bad law. If is is bad, it is not a law. — Carrie Nation Copy Share Image
You can always rely on a society of equals taking it out on the women. — Alan Sillitoe Copy Share Image
Experience is a funny thing. You dont always have it when you need it. — Patrick Chan Copy Share Image
Greg Grunberg is so beautiful and charming and funny and heartbreaking. — Annaleigh Ashford Copy Share Image
I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!" — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one — George Gobel Copy Share Image
I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML — Sheryne Brooks Copy Share Image
Do not, therefore, say "I feel nauseous," unless you are sure you have that effect on others. — William Strunk, Jr Copy Share Image
