I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net. — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
Iraqi forces are still in control of the city, and they are engaging in an attrition war with the enemy. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
I never stopped writing about what was actually going on in my life. There's nothing to hide. — Lana Del Rey Copy Share Image
When Andy Kaufman performed, he was not just trying to be funny. He was playing with the notion of what it means… — James Murphy Copy Share Image
That moment when ur SERIOUSLY trying to watch something, then ur entire family comes and decides to have a competition of who… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Honestly, it's hard to learn about comedy from comedians. Comedy is not something that you necessarily learn or can imitate. You're funny… — Jane Levy Copy Share Image
Coming home from school and looking in the mirror and thinking Oh my gosh ... is this what I looked like all day? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The ideas that you find funny and the things that you are offering to an audience are tied up with who you… — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
“Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I dont know what it is about the open road that makes it so appealing. Maybe its because when youre headed somewhere,… — Steve Hofstetter Copy Share Image
If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I have often marveled at the thin line which separates success from failure. — Ernest Shackleton Copy Share Image
We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond. — L. Lionel Kendrick Copy Share Image
Don't think about things, just do them; don't predict them, just make them. — Ray Bradbury Copy Share Image
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A simple Good morning, beautiful text could make any girl smile for the whole day. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Brushing your teeth six times before you go to the dentist so they think you have really good teeth. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you identify yourself with a group of people or a set of ideas, aren't you separating yourself? — Jiddu Krishnamurti Copy Share Image
I told my DAD to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my brother & me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its funny how you meet your ex and feel you've met a stranger who knows so much about you — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
My sensibility has never been political. The things I find funny are generally apolitical. — Tim Dillon Copy Share Image
“That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple.” — Sarah Hall Copy Share Image
“You, lass, have a self-image problem.” Well, that might be a little true, but she also had a mirror.” — Cherise Sinclair Copy Share Image
Bitches be trying act like they single & happy...u single cause ya last name is LEE...UGG-LEE & LONG-LEE — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. — Gordon R. Dickson Copy Share Image
