No matter how old you are, if a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die. — Melania Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how much I care,some people are just assholes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Remove failure as an option and your chances for success become infinitely better. — Joan Lunden Copy Share Image
Lets Plan For A Movie 2day R U Free? If Yes.. Tum Apne Tv Pe Dekho, Mein Apne Tv Pe Dekhunga — Mark Copy Share Image
A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Vince McMahon said to Triple H, 'Are you sure he's a heel? I don't know. He's funny.' He decided he wanted me… — Tyrus Copy Share Image
“I guess it was what my friend Phoolendu at the yoga studio would call kismet. That's like fate, but much more dramatic.” — Robin Palmer Copy Share Image
I get tired of being asked to be an expert on categories, when it comes to awards season. It's quite funny to… — Emma D'Arcy Copy Share Image
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One spelling mistake can destroy your life. a husband sent his wife this I'm having a very wonderful time, I wish you… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
You might not be funny, but don't force it. Just be authentic because people are going to always appreciate that more. — Zaza Pachulia Copy Share Image
Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function. — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
I admit I feel funny when I use the word 'whom' as I'm talking to my diapered children, but I persist. — Faith Salie Copy Share Image
If you cant find the Any key on your laptop to continue try using a hammer a couple of times. — Paul Kityo Copy Share Image
If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you're OK. — John Pinette Copy Share Image
Let us be enraged about injustice, but let us not be destroyed by it. — Bayard Rustin Copy Share Image
“You say very funny things. I am sorry I can't say funny things back. This is not a funny time for me.” — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
Isnt it funny, how the sweetest guy in the world can turn into the biggest jerk. — Dev Copy Share Image
Don't worry if you're single. Godis looking at you right now saying I'm saving this one for someone special. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let your thoughts be ruled by principle, and then live up to your thoughts. — Wallace D. Wattles Copy Share Image
One day you are gonna retweet & star me like I retweet & star you, and just like you, I won't care. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list. — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
You always find things you didn't know you were going to say, and that is the adventure... — John Updike Copy Share Image
Self Control; The ability to prevent myself from beating the sh*t out of someone who desperately needs it. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Anytime you part with money, bless it and say - 'There's always more where that came from.' — Marie Forleo Copy Share Image
The rule that covers everything is: how you are with others, expect that back. — Rumi Copy Share Image
Some characters become your friends for life. That's how it was for me with Betsy-Tacy. — Judy Blume Copy Share Image
