You say I'm dirty minded... but how did you understand what I meant? — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only thing worse than a loser is someone who won't admit he played badly. — Kevin Spacey Copy Share Image
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
“One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool… — David Wong Copy Share Image
It's funny, because I've never thought of myself as a Hispanic actor, like in 'American Gangster,' I'm playing an Italian. I've always… — Yul Vazquez Copy Share Image
“Ion, I'm sorry. I apologize" (...) "Your Majesty! Are you ill?" he demanded" You have been quiet this morning. And now you… — Megan Whalen Turner Copy Share Image
Lmfao here you go.. I wrote something really funny so if u could read it correctly your gonna laugh your ass off… — Gangsta Copy Share Image
I've always been attracted to humor and funny people in general. It's a joy to make people laugh, but it's not as… — Jennifer Garner Copy Share Image
This man is forcing innocent children to kill their loved ones. For no reason at all. You can make a change. This… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just recently became aware of how tenuous my life is. I don't have time for fear. — Mike Phillips Copy Share Image
Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I enjoyed working at RKO more than at MGM. At RKO the parts were better! — Laraine Day Copy Share Image
They could have been removed. They could have been hidden. They could have been destroyed. — Tony Blair Copy Share Image
Twitter's a lot of work! That's the first thing I would say. There's so much pressure to be funny. — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so… — Minnie Pearl Copy Share Image
Men are like...Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out". — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Happiness consists not of having, but of being. It is a warm glow of the heart at peace with itself. — David O. McKay Copy Share Image
The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man. — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
Please accept my friend request because based on your name, city, and photo, I'm certain we're soul mates — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are many To-morrows, my Love, my Love, There is only one To-day. — Joaquin Miller Copy Share Image
Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Running away from any problem only increases the distance from a solution. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
