Wanna know something cool! press +w to get a thumbs up from ur compuetr screen — Drummer Copy Share Image
When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There's no place like home. Especially when we're talking about The best place to take a shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sailors, with their built in sense of order, service and discipline, should really be running the world. — Nicholas Monsarrat Copy Share Image
Ladies call me Subway because I've got low-quality meat and lie about being six inches! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, Times are kind of tough. He also pointed out that Bill Gates… — Andy Waits Copy Share Image
We have actors from other films, from 'Baywatch,' and so on, and these people are looking exactly the opposite of what they… — Joe Viterelli Copy Share Image
Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I'm too busy thinking what I'm going to say next to remember what I've said, but my staff tells me I'm sometimes… — Jared Polis Copy Share Image
I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
“vers libre," (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a… — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you pose nude for your art teacher and you flunk the course. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When we no longer seek God for His blessings, we have time to seek Him for Himself. — Oswald Chambers Copy Share Image
Question: How much do you have to invest in the future before you've spent it and no longer have one? — Mark Steyn Copy Share Image
I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned. — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
I respect a woman's decision to undergo plastic surgery to go from being ugly to being ugly & disgusting. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Revenge was an expensive sport. The question was always whether the prize was worth the ticket.” — Janus Lucky Copy Share Image
My girlfriend isn't very punctual. She's been late on her period for 6 months now. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Science is the most complete presentment of facts with the least expenditure of thought — Ernst Mach Copy Share Image
Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Studying means: to text, to eat and to watch TV with an open book neatby. — Michael Angelo De Leon Copy Share Image
THAT MINI HEART ATTACK You get when you realize you forgot to do your homework — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Good cops make their bosses look good, and Hector was a one-man beauty school.” — Edward Conlon Copy Share Image
Always do what you feel deeply in the within to be the true thing to do. — Wallace D. Wattles Copy Share Image
There seems to be hardly any one among my acquaintance from whom I have not learned. — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin Copy Share Image
Sometimes you find that what is most personal is also what connects you most strongly with others. — Grace Paley Copy Share Image
“Fat people are funny … until obesity pays your loved one a visit.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Aggression only breeds more aggression. It only creates more fear and anger. — Margaret J. Wheatley Copy Share Image
