“Why does the world hate me?” They both laughed, but it wasn’t funny. SERIOUSLY. Why does the world hate me?” — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
There's no abhorrence about wearing M&S. We just haven't been delighting the girls. — Stuart Rose Copy Share Image
The moment someone says, 'Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,' your party is over. — Amy Sedaris Copy Share Image
Early to bed and early to rise makes a person dull, boring, and despised. — Ernie J Zelinski Copy Share Image
Hey that's not fair! - A dumb bitch realizing she got bad directions to the fair. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Certain directors have that eye where something is beautiful as well as funny. — Lolly Adefope Copy Share Image
It's not hard for me to be funny. But it's really hard. I don't think a lot of people are funny. I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
“For the most part, each day listed a different rendition of "Justin ate well" and "Justin took a great nap". Every now… — Pattie Mallette Copy Share Image
“After that came her biggie: a triple murder--her dealer, the dealer's sister, and the dealer's sister's boyfriend. Reading that made me feel… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
I just find it funny and terrible: someone being very rude and overbearing over somebody who doesn't know how to deal with… — Julia Davis Copy Share Image
“Static cackled from the cafeteria speaker. A bored female voice come on. “Victoria Brennan, please report to the headmaster's office. Victoria Brennan… — Kathy Reichs Copy Share Image
When you see a good person, think of becoming like her/him. When you see someone not so good, reflect on your own… — Confucius Copy Share Image
I'll be goddamned if I'm going to stay in a business where I have to get up earlier and earlier and it… — Grace Kelly Copy Share Image
When people see you lying down with your eyes closed and they still ask 'Are you sleeping?' I reply, 'No, I'm training… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age. — Voltaire Copy Share Image
Let's discuss where to put a beach chair instead of where to put a mosque. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just remember, I can always make your death look like an accident. :) — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
It is the English-speaking nations who, almost alone, keep alight the torch of Freedom. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
Clapping the longest during the assembly because you're a fearless bastard. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One can't indefinitely do for somebody what he is reluctant to do for himself. — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny. — Ron White Copy Share Image
I'll do my homework in 5 mins, In 10 mins, In 30 mins, In 1 hour, FUCK, I'll just do it tomorrow.. — Crystal Jones Copy Share Image
School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's not that music is too imprecise for words, but too precise… — Felix Mendelssohn Copy Share Image
Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!' — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. — Tom Hanks Copy Share Image
The hardest exercise for most of us fat people is that one where we push our chairback from the dinner table. — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
