I dont have any exs I have whys? Yeah why in the hell did I date you!!!? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash. — Kenny Everett Copy Share Image
Live nutty. Just occasionally. Just once in a while. And see what happens. It brightens up the day. — Leo Buscaglia Copy Share Image
Money is not my business; my thinking is my business. I don't have any other business. — Byron Katie Copy Share Image
This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just sit ther and do what I vowed I would never do - talk back to the television. — George H. W. Bush Copy Share Image
I'm a woofer, not a tweeter; a writer, not a telegrapher; an essayist, not an aphorist. — Richard Turner Copy Share Image
It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are countless awkward moments everyone feels internally every single day - I feel awkward all the time, and what's funny is… — Eva Victor Copy Share Image
Love is a game... sex is a fame.. boys do the f**kng ... and gals get the blame .. 1 minutes of… — Ronak Gurung Copy Share Image
“Parker, I'm old," She said matter-of-factly. "I get away with these things." She continued to wave and smile wildly. "People treat me… — Abby Slovin Copy Share Image
Girl : Mom, I m in love with a guy.. Mom shocked : How old is the boy & what is he… — A Josland Copy Share Image
As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny.… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Are you scumming me? This is flipping bumbus. Koo koo kachu. I'll eat your body and throw you in a flipping zoo.… — Grant Campbell Copy Share Image
“Can I do anything for you? Bake you cookies? Walk your dogs? Throw snowballs? Just generally be a distraction?” — Dee Henderson Copy Share Image
They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and… — Casey Stengel Copy Share Image
It is what a woman, leaves off, not what she puts on that gives her cachet — Paul Poiret Copy Share Image
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I am dating, but it is hard to find someone quick enough and funny enough. I am quite demanding. — Anne Robinson Copy Share Image
I'm staying in shape this winter by wearing enough layers to be constantly sweating. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Someone told me I should run for president. Dont you think that weve had enough boobs in the White House? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We make our money out of our friends. Our enemies will not do business with us. — Elbert Hubbard Copy Share Image
Nothing is going to be handed to you -- you have to make things happen. — Florence Griffith Joyner Copy Share Image
Israelis keep teaching you your own business. God knows everything but the Israelis know everything better. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
When you're younger, think less and do more; when you're older, do less and think more. — John Maeda Copy Share Image
Dear 12 year olds on Facebook, how are you in a complicated relationship?! Did they steal your cookies? — Christine Ramkran Copy Share Image
You can tell James Duthie to shove that quiz. I have a few other words I can tell you about the quiz. — John Tortorella Copy Share Image
If a man falls down and gets up, it's funny. If he falls down and doesn't get up it's not funny. — Soupy Sales Copy Share Image
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor." — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There is a strength of conviction that can only come from being 100% wrong. — Stephen Schneider Copy Share Image
I am not really funny . I am actually mean and people think that I am joking — MLY AB Copy Share Image
How many things... are looked upon as quite impossible until they have been actually effected? — Pliny the Elder Copy Share Image
It's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know the unimportance of suffering. — John Galt Copy Share Image
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me. — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
