I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: 'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.' — Author Name Copy Share Image
And who are you supposed to be? the King of snot-nosed delinquents? — Michael Buckley Copy Share Image
When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
It has nothing to do with the time being right or wrong. Storms just happen. — Chris Murray Copy Share Image
Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody… — Victoria Wood Copy Share Image
You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“Emma has been meaning to read more ever since she was twelve years old. I have seen a great many lists of… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
Pete Davidson - he's in the movie 'Trainwreck.' He has a small part in it. I told Lorne Michaels about him, said… — Bill Hader Copy Share Image
They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What… — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
My father Rodger is your typical 'funny without knowing it' kinda guy. When he says something that creates shock or joy in… — Iain Stirling Copy Share Image
Dog owners are out in all kinds of weather. They tell you it's small payment for the love their dogs bear them.… — Selma Diamond Copy Share Image
