You can steal my tweets if you like, but I lick every single one before I tweet them. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up. — Dan Castellaneta Copy Share Image
Mom,look! Very nice. Oh, that's cool how you saw withoutactually looking — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some women need to walk around with a stripper pole to match their outfit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WHEN CLEANING MY ROOM: 1% Cleaning. 30% Complaining.69% Playing with stuffs I just found. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We live thinking we will never die, We die thinking we have never lived — Jason Becker Copy Share Image
We have funny ideas about how people in mental institutions act. We think of drooling and people going booga-booga and climbing the… — Milos Forman Copy Share Image
“In the dark, Dave reached for Roger's hand as they watched the shadowed lovemaking. "Were we ever that beautiful?" "You still are,"… — S.E. Jakes Copy Share Image
I take a lot of pride in managing to be funny without having a victim at the end of my joke. I… — Ross Mathews Copy Share Image
“Of course, he said, he who is of a certain nature, is like those who are of a certain nature; he who… — Plato Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining She said to her husband, Nobody loves me¦.nobody cares… — Babloo Copy Share Image
I grew up as this very carefree, happy kid then things turnt darker for me. Maybe it was because I saw that… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“True, beneath the human façade, I was an interloper, an alien whose ship had crashed beyond hope of repair in the backwoods… — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
