You never won’t know what you can’t achieve until you don’t achieve it. — Chris Parnell Copy Share Image
I wish my job was still secure enough to take days off for Jewish holidays I don't observe. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People from polland are called poles . and those from holland ? any suggestion ? :D — Melchor Lim Copy Share Image
A true friend doesn't have guts; they beat you up and later plead with you to beat them back. — Michael Bassey Johnson Copy Share Image
Basketball really had its origin in Indiana, which remains the center of the sport. — James Naismith Copy Share Image
Happy Birthday! Aww, you remembered my birthday?! NO, Facebook told me. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Gilbert Gottfried, I think, is just the most underappreciated comedian in the world. I think that he doesn't get enough credit for… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
My parents are really funny. Laughter was a big part of my childhood. Of course, they tell a lot of bad jokes… — Cecily Strong Copy Share Image
A mad man was seen with his head in a mail box man: excuse me sir..are you all right? What are you… — Dukilicious Copy Share Image
Mrs. Campbell once attempted to smuggle her pet Pekingese through customs by tucking him inside the upper part of her cape. "Everything… — Mrs. Patrick Campbell Copy Share Image
“Xav sprinkled olive oil on his lettuce. 'Lola was very particular that it all had to fit properly.' 'Lola?' squeaked Diamond. I… — Joss Stirling Copy Share Image
As you approach the presidency, no one seems worthy of it, since it wasn't designed for a human in the first place. — Wilfrid Sheed Copy Share Image
When I realised I had a facility for humour, I latched on to it, and it gave me confidence and I built… — Catherine Tate Copy Share Image
