Funny Quote by Mitch Hedberg Download Open image “Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!” — Mitch Hedberg ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 3.5 out of 5 (9 ratings) Copy quoteShare Funny Humor Last time Lasts Limos Messed up Shotguns Time
The only time you can call shotgun is when you can see the car. Don't try to claim it two hours before you leave. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've gone out with my shotgun. This is hunting country out there. You better run. — Lou Reed Copy Share Image
Dun got myself into a whole heap of trouble, double-crossed by the law so it's nobody to run to. Yeah it's just me and… — Krayzie Bone Copy Share Image
Screw a Blazer Im up in the joint fatigued out. Cuz whereever I go the shooters and thieves be out. Mighty Mighty D Block… — D Block Copy Share Image
Hang on, Pa, don't reach for yer shotgun just yet," I said, grinning over the protective streak I found funny, when there wasn't actually… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
If I had a shotgun, you know what I'd do? I'd point that sh!t straight at the sky and shoot heaven on down to… — Brad Nowell Copy Share Image
I was a horrible limo driver: I ran out of gas with passengers in the back and I used to get lost on a… — John Slattery Copy Share Image
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street...… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt." — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When you step out and do a song in a musical, the easier thing to do is make it funny. But when those transitions… — Kelli O'Hara Copy Share Image
It's a hard thing to describe. It's just this sense that you got something to say. — Jonah Lehrer Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Congratulations to Facebook on going public with all my private information... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently? — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
