America Quote by David Letterman

John Kerry reportedly flew in his private hairdresser before his "Meet the Press" interview for a total cost of $1,000. That's $1,000 for a…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had…

— Bill Maher

Pictures can be devastating. Who allowed John Kerry to get himself photographed windsurfing in a flowered swimsuit? Anyone in the real world in that…

— Jack Germond

I don't think we have the right haircut or tattoos for politics.

— Al Jourgensen

Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts.

— Craig Kilborn

Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?

— David Letterman

John Kerry's victory over Howard Dean has completely changed the presidential race around. Now instead of the rich white guy from Yale who lives…

— Jay Leno

President George Washington used to wear a wig and make-up. I mean, c'mon, if he could do it, I can do it.

— Nikki Sixx

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.

— Ann Coulter

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be…

— Jon Stewart

Trump is wack and his wife has terrible wigs.

— Amanda Lepore

There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'

— Craig Kilborn