Sarcastic Quotes

891 Sarcastic quotes by 449 unique authors

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. — Abba Eban
To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway. — Eminem
I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid? — Eminem
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. — W.C. Fields
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. — Mitch Hedberg
He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it. — Joseph Heller
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. — Oliver Herford
I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle. — Alfred Hitchcock
Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some. — Alfred Hitchcock
Nature, not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write. — A. E. Housman
A good listener is usually thinking about something else. — Kin Hubbard
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. — Eric Hoffer
Sarcasm is a Manchester trait. — Peter Hook
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. — Kin Hubbard
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. — Eddie Izzard
The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character. — Lyndon B. Johnson
You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses. — Pamela Hansford Johnson
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. — Hedy Lamarr
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! — Tom Lehrer
It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed. — Vladimir Lenin
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! — Jay Leno
The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent. — Hugh Leonard
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they… — David Letterman
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. — David Letterman
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things… — David Letterman

Who Wrote These Sarcastic Quotes

449 authors contributed a total of 891 Sarcastic Quotes, led by these top contributors: