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Funny Quotes by W.C. Fields
- I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
- It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.
- It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
- Never mind what I told you--you do as I tell you.
- It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.
- I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
- No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
- I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
- On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
- If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
- I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
- If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
- I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
- I like children - fried.
- A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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