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Best Funny Sayings by Steven Wright
- Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
- How do you get off a non-stop flight?
- I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a…
- I had amnesia once or twice.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
- I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
- I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!
- I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
- I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".
- When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time…
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said,…
More Ways to Read Funny Quotes by Steven Wright
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin