« All Humor Quotes · Steven Wright's Page
Humor Quotes by Steven Wright
- A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
- I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
- I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
- What's another word for Thesaurus?
- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
- I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
- It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
- When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
- I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
- You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and…
- Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
- If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat…
- Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
More Humor Quotes
- In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous. — Aristotle
- Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent. — William Shakespeare
- We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle
- Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach. — Aristotle
- Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. — Aristotle
- One of my favorite things about 'Star Trek' wasn't just the overt banter but the humor in that show about the relationships… — J. J. Abrams
- The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' — Isaac Asimov
- Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same… — Lynda Barry