« All One Quotes · Steven Wright's Page
One Quotes by Steven Wright
- I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
- If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
- I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
- I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
- I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
- I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
- At one point he decided enough was enough.
- If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
- I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
- I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
- One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
- Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
- When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I…
- I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair,…
- I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they…
- When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.…
- You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m…
- Is 'tired old cliché' one?
- Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.
- I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
More One Quotes
- All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. — Aristotle
- Trust is the one most important base on which the beautiful building of strong friendship can be built. — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Economic growth may one day turn out to be a curse rather than a good, and under no conditions can it either… — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- Grief makes one hour ten. — William Shakespeare
- Poets are the only people to whom love is not only a crucial, but an indispensable experience, which entitles them to mistake… — Hannah Arendt
- A great city is not to be confounded with a populous one. — Aristotle
- We construct a narrative for ourselves, and that's the thread that we follow from one day to the next. People who disintegrate… — Paul Auster