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Got Quotes by Steven Wright
- I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
- Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
- I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
- The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
- I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
- In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
- I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
- I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign…
- I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
- My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
- I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
- I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight…
- In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would…
- My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill…
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not…
- So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are…
- The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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