« All You Quotes · Steven Wright's Page
You Quotes by Steven Wright
- Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
- Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and…
- Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
- If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
- I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
- If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
- I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
- If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
- Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
- If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
- I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
- Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
- When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
- If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
- How young can you die of old age?
- I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign…
- If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
More You Quotes
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Haiti, Haiti, the further I am from you, the less I breathe. Haiti, I love you, and I will love you always.… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- In Italy the censor is very old and there are many judges and psychiatrists who analyse you. — Dario Argento
- When you care about human beings, you do your best to not repress and to not let people to repress and to… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- You can never guess or assume what anyone is going to think. — J. J. Abrams
- When it comes to the point where you occasionally look forward to being in prison on the basis that you might be… — Julian Assange
- It's our hearts and brains that we should exercise more often. You can put on all the makeup you want, but it… — Kevyn Aucoin