« All Know Quotes · Steven Wright's Page
Know Quotes by Steven Wright
- I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
- I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
- If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
- Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
- I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
- I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
- I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the…
- George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school,…
- My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells…
- To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know…
- You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and…
- You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes…
- Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I…
- I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
- You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m…
- I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
- You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.
- I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
- I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a…
- I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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