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Humor Quotes by Nikhil Saluja
- 1813 Women have no rights. 1913 Women fight for some rights. 2013 Women are always fucking right.
- You've got higher grades than mine, not because you're smarter than me, but because I'm lazier than you.
- Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza...
- Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says trust me, you don't want to know.
- I said I'd be there in 5 minutes. Quit calling me every half hour.
- Organization is for people who are too lazy to look for their stuff.
- The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
- I find it cruel that the word lisp has an s in it.
- You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
- Im afraid of three things: Women, snakes, and the police. They all have the ability to hurt me and make it look like it was…
- My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from…
- When I die I want my body to donate for research, but more specifically to a scientist who is working on bringing dead bodies back…
- Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas, it was in vein.
- I don't care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
- When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
- Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.
- LOVE is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties.
- I don't have a great sense of humor, but I do have a great sense of nonsense.
- Laughing stock is really cattle with a sense of humor.
- Humor is sorrow plus time divided by farts.
- Woman Law: My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
- It's a guy thing really means There's no rational thought pattern connected with it and you can't make it logical.
- I went to see my doctor with a nasty pain in the ass. Turns out he's already met my wife.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
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- We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle
- Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach. — Aristotle
- Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. — Aristotle
- Wit is educated insolence. — Aristotle
- In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous. — Aristotle
- The secret to humor is surprise. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- One of my favorite things about 'Star Trek' wasn't just the overt banter but the humor in that show about the relationships… — J. J. Abrams
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
- The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' — Isaac Asimov
- Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. — Francis of Assisi
- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. — Jane Austen